Page 76 of Finding Yesterday
“Is there more to it than that?” I ask more forcefully. “Because you love it here in Blue Vine.”
“I do love it here. And I would stay.” He swallows, rubbing his tattoo. “But I can’t.”
“Why?”
He closes his eyes and exhales. “I don’t know.” He keeps his hand on his arm, and his knuckles have gone white.
I understand that something just happened that shook him, and I understand that he battles with a pain he can’t remember. But I’m tired of that response, and this time, my question is one he’s capable of answering. “You need to figure it out. If not for me then for yourself.” Feeling gutted, I turn and walk out the kitchen door.
I know I said I’d be okay just being with Jack one night, but that was before. Before he made me think he was coming to Blue Vine for good. Before he made me feel things I’ve never felt before. Before I found Mama’s recipes, and we worked through it in a way that made me realize that I’m deeply in love with him.
I let Pops, Nick, Jordan, Kristy, and the servers know I’ll be back early tomorrow to help clean up. They all worked to arrange this, so they need to know how much I appreciate them and their efforts. Then I leave as quickly as I can.
I can’t look at Jack anymore.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
IT’S LATE, ANDrain is tapping on the roof when a knock rattles Daddy’s front door. I rush down, hoping Daddy doesn’t wake. Through the peephole I see Jack standing there, wet-haired and shivering.
I open the door, and step outside, my breath catching. The rain brought in more cold, wet air to the summer night.
“I thought about it,” Jack says, looking boyish and vulnerable. “I know.”
“Okay.” Normally, I’d love how he jumps into the middle of a conversation, no context. And normally, I’d love that I always know what he means even more. Now, it just brings me pain. “Tell me why you have to leave, Jack Brady.”
“I’ll tell you.” His voice cracks.
My heart leaps. If we can talk this through, maybe he’ll want to stay. “Okay.” I glance at the porch swing, swaying ever so slightly from the breeze. I’m tempted to ask him to sit, but I can tell he doesn’t want to. The swing’s wet anyway. Instead, I wrap my jacket tighter around me.
He stares into space, his brown eyes dark, cloudy. “The recipe book.” He looks down to his hands. “I’m pretty sure I got it from Maw and Millie, and they had it with them that day. They were doing something with it.”
“Okay, that might be true, but it may also not be true.”
“Fair enough. But, Jessie Mac’s bike.”
I exhale. “Right. What happened with that?”
“All this time, I thought I couldn’t have walked to Maw’s restaurant in the time between when Pops let me go outside and the police came. But I could’ve biked there.”
My stomach twists. “Yeah, that does sound more feasible.”
“So, no onelivingknew I was there, but I was. I had to be.” Something shuts down in his eyes, and it’s like he’s a thousand miles away. “Pops wasn’t the all-time best babysitter. He thought I was playing outside on the farm, which we know. But what we don’t know is that I could’ve taken the bike and left.”
He squeezes his eyes shut, and I reach out to take his hand.
“Please, don’t, Claire.” He pulls his hand away. “You won’t want to touch me ever again, not after you hear this. So, you might as well stop now.”
His words should hit me like a blow, but I don’t believe him. “Okay.” I keep my trembling hands to myself. It’s cold, so I pull the sleeves over them.
“I got to the restaurant, and Maw was probably mad I was there since I wasn’t supposed to be. I also wasn’t supposed to be riding that bike, especially to town.”
“Maybe.”
“I took the book of recipes, the one you found, thinking they were Maw’s. I always wanted her book because it was special. She always had it at The Ruby Stop. But then…” His jaw clenches. “But then, maybe Maw yelled at me, and I jumped on the bike and took off, still holding the book.”
“All possible,” I mumble, biting my lip. Thunder crackles in the distance.
“Anyway, in my dreams, the ones that don’t make sense, I feel helpless, lost. I’m wandering, and I’m terrified. It would make sense that I rode to the mines, looking for trouble.” His face twists in agony. “I always rebelled when someone was mad at me. I was so selfish and stupid.”
