Page 4 of Finding Yesterday
Jack raises his brows. “That does sound kinda cool, actually.”
“It does. And Hudson continues, saying we can get a refund on our airfare to the Virgin Islands.” Tears well in my eyes when I say, “I want to support Tangz, even if it means having my honeymoon meals at the Golden Pasture Endless Buffet. The problem is that I think Hudson is happier going to a work meeting than a private lagoon with me.”
Jack frowns. “Can you just tell him how his note made you feel? And that the dung bingo and pasture grazing can wait?”
“No.”
“Okay.” He goes quiet, apparently waiting for me to continue. When I don’t, he asks, “Why can’t you tell him that?”
“I could tell him that.” A tear escapes and I wipe it away before it rolls down my cheek. “But that won’t fix things. I mean, it might fix the honeymoon, but not everything else.”
“And what’s ‘everything else’?” His deep voice is soothing, and it hits me that I don’t mind having him ask these questions. It’s actually kind of helping.
“It’s just…” I wave my hand, hoping to conjure a response out of thin air. “Work is everything to Hudson. It is to me too. But we said our honeymoon would be just us…relaxing on a romantic getaway.” I put up a palm. “Because weneeda break from work. Hudson’s gotten so passive aggressive and intense. One time I forget to put the nutmeg garnish on a sweet potato ravioli. Now, whenever I make the dish, which is all the time, Hudson checks it and says, ‘“Phew, it’s garnished. We never know with you!”’ Then he points and laughs, like it’s some inside joke. But it isn’t a joke. Let it go already. It was one time when we were swamped.”
“Wow.” Jack’s eyes go huge. “Thatispassive-aggressive and intense.”
“Right?” I throw my arms in the air before pointing at Jack. “And you’re an expert in the kitchen, so your opinion here counts extra!” When my voice echoes off the brick walls, I realize I’ve gotten loud.
“Well, then.” He folds his arms. “In my expert culinary opinion, that’s over the top.”
I laugh, but it’s short-lived. When I catch my breath, I croak out, “I know Hudson loves me, but I’m not sure he’sinlove with me.” My heart starts to race again, and my breaths turn shallow.
Jack leans over and puts his hand on my knee. “Hey, it’s okay. Just take deep breaths, in and out.”
I close my eyes and take two long inhales and exhales. I’ve talked my sister through panic attacks, but I’ve never had one myself. Is that what this is?
I have a new appreciation for Emma.
After my pulse steadies, I say, “Thank you, that helped.”
“So, you don’t think your fiancé isinlove with you?” Jack shakes his head and lets out a low whistle.
Hearing the words repeated back hits me like a truth bomb. Hudson isn’t inlove with me.
Jack continues, “And are youinlove with him?”
I blink, hesitating. No one has ever asked me that before, and I’m not sure how I feel. “I used to think so.”
Hudson and I have been together since our senior year of college. Both history majors, we struggled to find jobs after graduation. History isn’t exactly known for its booming career options. Together, we literally turned that lemon into freshly squeezed lemonade, a favorite at Tangz. We’ve been working so hard on the restaurant that maybe we neglected working on us.
I peel off a corner of the wine label. “We were so young when we got together, and it feels like Hudson’s doing what he thinks he’s supposed to do—take the next step with his college sweetheart and business partner—instead of doing what his heart wants.”
Jack looks down at his hands for a few beats then back at me. “And what is it that your heart wants, Claire?”
My gaze flicks to him. This is now the second time Jack has asked me something no one else ever has. “Honestly, I don’t know. But I don’t think it’s this.” My voice breaks with tears. “Does that make me a bad person, Jack? Am I wrong?”
“Wrong for wanting to know that you’re loved, fully and completely? Never.”
I take another swig from the bottle, contemplating his words.
“And that’s definitely a reason to have a solid, sit-down talk before you get married.” His tone is firm, definitive.
I look up at him. “It is, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. You need to tell him how you feel. I bet he’ll put your concerns to rest. And you owe him that.”
“I do owe him that.”
