Page 160 of Finance Bros
“Ryan?” she asks.
“Yes,” I hiss at her.
“I think he’s bi.”
“What does that even mean? Is that really a thing?”
She laughs, a loud barking laugh. “Yes, Malcolm. Bisexualityisa thing. Did you or did you not just break up with a woman?”
“But I’mgay.”
She frowns. “So what was that girlfriend of yours? You’re gonna tell me you were never attracted to her? You never had sex?”
Kaylin is a sore spot today. Breaking up with her had been awful. She was understanding when I told her about Ryan, but she did cry, which made me cry, and we spent half the evening holding hands and remembering the good times. It was fucking awful. She never said as much, she’s too nice, but I feel exactly like I wasted ten years of her life.
“I was confused,” I say to Bailey. “That doesn’t make me bi.”
“Well, I’m gay, and you’d have to pay me a lot of money to have sex with a man.”
“Maybe it’s different for guys.”
“I think it’s just you if we’re being honest.”
“What abouthimthough?” I ask, jabbing my thumb over my shoulder at the door where Ryan recently walked out.
“I haven’t put much thought into it. Sorry.”
“Well, put some thought into it unless you want me to start crying.”
Her eyes widen. “What difference does it make how he identifies if you guys are into each other?”
“Did you not see the way they were touching?”
“I mean…” she shrugs and looks down at her menu like she knows exactly what I’m talking about. “Look, I’m not the best person to ask about bisexual people. I get that people can be attracted to a lot of different types, but I find there’s usually a clear preference when it comes down to it. But my experience is limited.”
“Sounds like you’ve had bad experiences.”
“A lot of girls want to experiment in college. It’s fun until it isn’t, you know? Anyway, stereotypes happen for a reason, which isn’t to say it’s not a valid identity, it’s just…I’vehad bad experiences.”
“Like girls would hook up with you but end up getting serious about a guy?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“I think if I were bi, I would have broken up with Kaylin a while back.”
“What makes you say that?” she asks.
“Because I’m not all that attracted to her. It’s more like I got used to her.”
“But at some point, you were attracted to her.”
Do I really want to tell Bailey what led me to pursue Kaylin in the first place? If Ryan hadn’t been interested in her, would I have found some other random girl to wave around in front of him to prove I wasn’t what I was too afraid to admit I actually am?
I don’t think so. She was—God forgive me—convenient.
Christ, I fucking hate myself.
Because hedidlike her. He might have accidentally confessed feelings for me, but if that hadn’t happened, he probably would have gone on to date Kaylin himself and live a perfectly straight life. That’s what he’s been doing after all, isn’t it? Until I started shamelessly throwing myself at him? “There’s no guy you could possibly be attracted to?” I ask Bailey.
