Page 133 of Feathers of Ash and Hope
I’m panting and puffing by the time I reach Sloan’s house. I unravel my braid and glance down to check my appearance. My dress is still rumpled from being stored so carelessly, but I can’t do anything about that. Running my fingers through my hair, I take a moment to catch my breath, then I knock.
Please let Darren not be here yet.
Sloan opens, and I instantly know something is wrong. She bites her lip and doesn’t meet my eyes. My gaze flies past her, and my brother’s face comes into focus.Shit.
Dar probably looks composed and cool to most people, but I see the slight twitch in his left eye and recognize the set of his mouth. He’s pissed.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
My stomach plummets. He knows.
My first urge is to turn around and run. Run as fast as I can and then hide until he gives up looking. Only I know he won’t. He would simply wait at the academy until I showed my face, and that would be even worse.
“I guess you want to…”yell at me.“…talk to me, right?” I ask.
I receive a stiff nod, and this only confirms it. I’m so deep in trouble it’s not even remotely funny.Fuck.
Darren turns and walks down the corridor to my uncle’s study.At least he doesn’t yell at me in front of everyone.
Sloan catches my arm when I pass her.
“I didn’t tell him. He already knew when he got here,” she hisses.
I give her a small nod and a reassuring smile, trying to hide the nerves beneath. I believe her, and I’m thankful for everything she did to help me.
The open door of the study comes closer, looming in front of me like a trap about to go off.
Two more days.I would only have needed two more damn days.
I close my eyes, taking a steadying breath before I square my shoulders and step through the door. Time to dance to the music I came up with.
I have never beenin my uncle’s study before, and I take my time to inspect it. Anything is better than facing Darren.
It’s a good-sized room with high ceilings and bookshelves, giving it the feeling of a small library. One side is occupied by a big chunky desk in dark wood, while the other side has a seating arrangement of two armchairs and a small couch, all dark leather and facing the open fireplace that is currently heated by the dancing violet and blue flames of magical fire. My uncle is my mom’s brother and shares her coloring. My eyes are on the family portrait that shows him and his wife with my two cousins, Sloan and Bastian.
The silence around us is heavy, and Dar’s eyes burn holes into my back. Once I can’t take it any longer, I turn to face him. He leans against the desk, not attempting to mask his disappointment or anger.
“I’m sorry?” I offer, shrugging sheepishly.
“Are you now?” Dar’s voice is calm, but his eyes, so much like mine, are not. “What exactly are you sorry for, Ara?” I flinch. He never calls me Ara. I’ve been his little sparrow for as long as I can remember. “For risking your life so carelessly? For going behind our backs? For getting yourself into deep trouble by lying about your identity? Or is there more I should know about?”
“For most of it,” I offer. “But I had a good reason. I—”
“You could be dead,” he bellows. “I could have had the report of your death on my desk without even knowing what lies in front of me. I could have signed off on your execution for identity fraud without knowing it.” His voice catches on that last sentence, and I swallow, my throat suddenly tight. “Did you think at all about what that would have done to me, Ara?” I see the hurt in his eyes, and my stomach plummets. I disappointed him. Again.
“Maybe it would be better if I were gone. For all of you.” I shrug, looking at the floor. I raise my gaze when he doesn’t answer.
My brother stares at me, his mouth agape in horror.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” He shakes his head like he can’t believe what he heard. “Please tell me you’re joking. Say it’s one of your twisted ways of making fun of me.” His voice is hoarse, choked by emotions. My chest tightens, making it hard to breathe.
“I just…I wanted to fix it. I wanted to prove that I’m more than the reckless, helpless girl who always screws everything up.” I look at the floor, trying to hide the tears rolling down my cheeks. “All of it was so important to Mom, and then…the markings…I didn’t know what to do…” My voice catches on a sob.
Darren curses, and then I’m enveloped in his arms.
“There were all those things changing…and I was so afraid, Dar. So damn afraid of letting you all down.” My body shakeswith the sobs I try so hard to hold back, and Dar holds on like he’s afraid I’ll vanish otherwise.
“So afraid I would become one of those figures of the stories…but I learned to control it, Dar, I really did.” I look up at him through my tears and find his face wet as well.
