Page 120 of Feathers of Ash and Hope
“Could you make it quick, and maybe…could you tell everyone I died in the fire?” Her request is quiet and calm, her head held high, but her breathing is too fast, too shallow, and her bottom lip trembles.
Denial settles like a massive boulder in my gut, threatening to bring me to my knees. My vision swims. I shake my head. She can’t mean what I just heard.
“Please, my family…they, they only tried to protect me.” She holds out her dagger, waiting for me to take it.
I try to swallow past the feelings lodged in my throat while I take it from her, my fingers numb. She looks down at the dagger, then back up at me.
I shouldn’t feel that conflicted about this. I grew up with the absolute certainty that cursed people are evil. But Ara?
“My dad gave it to me when I was ten,” Ara whispers. “I always keep it sharp, just in case…”
The meaning sinks in and rips me apart. She grew up with the knowledge that one day, someone would end her life simply for who she is.
I’m not going to harm you.Her words drift through me. She’s not even trying to fight me on this. Why isn’t she trying to get out of this? Taking my life instead?
“Why aren’t you fighting me?” I ask, my voice hoarse, my eyes searching hers.
She shakes her head.
“It’s alright…I always knew it would come to this… ” Her voice breaks. “I’m glad I met you. I’m glad I kissed you.” She gives me a watery smile. “Despite everything.”
The pieces of me she aligned vibrate, ready to burst apart again. My chest is so raw that every breath hurts. Suddenly, her face takes Louis’s place, then Leo’s. It’s her blood pouring out, her eyes full of pain and then going empty. Darkness threatens to pull me under.
“Why aren’t you fighting me?” I yell, angry now that she gives up so easily.
“The first time you healed me…” Her voice is soft and quiet. “I was devastated at the thought that I had to kill you to get away unnoticed.” She shakes her head again. “I won’t do it.”
“And I can’t kill you.” The words burst out, and I realize they’re true. I can’t do it.
“I won’t let you hand me over.” She shakes her head, determination settling over her face. “I won’t.” She lunges for the dagger in my hand, and ice-cold fear grips me. Not for me, but for her.
I whip the blade out of her reach, then twist and pin her to me with my other arm. My body shakes with the realization of what she just tried to do. That she nearly stole her life after placing it in my hands…just when I decided to keep it, to keep her, no matter the costs.
I slide the dagger into a free loop at the back of my belt and wrap my second arm around her, holding on to her. She tugs and wriggles, but I have her pinned.
Losing her in that accident yesterday would have killed me. Losing her like this would have annihilated me.
“Let me go.” She stomps on my foot, and I hiss. “If you don’t let me go, I will drain you,” she threatens, and calmness settles over me. I made the right choice.
“No, you won’t,” I tell her.
“Are you sure about that?” she taunts, and I realize it’s not me who needs persuasion but her.
“Yes, it’s not who you are,” I say, and she snorts in disbelief. “Why did you step between me and the lightning?” I challenge her.
“Because it would have killed you,” she grunts while she lets her full weight sit on my arms by pulling up her legs. If she thinks I’ll let her fall, she can wait an eternity.
“And you knew it wouldn’t harm you?” I ask.
She snorts again. “I know fucking nothing unless you count the things told in all the stories and…” She pauses. “And we weren’t always hunted… and the dragon said… it’s magic.”
“That is why you met with him.” I groan.
She nods and finally stops struggling.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, sunshine.” I tighten my hold on her
She leans her head against my chest, looking up at me.
