Page 106 of Feathers of Ash and Hope
“No, I swear I’m not. I never went on a date with Mariel. Why would I?”
If all I want is to jump our centurion?
“Because she’s a great girl—”
“I know that Mariel is great.” I hold up my hands in surrender before he can go on defending her. “That’s not what Imeant. She’s my friend. Why would I mess around with her like that?”
Now Calix looks confused, too. “But she said she was meeting you the night you didn’t get back, so I thought…”
I huff out a breath. I’m fed up with all the lies and drama.
“No, I met up with my cousin that night. I didn’t see Mariel at all. I promise.”
Calix's shoulders relax at that. This seems to have bugged him more than I thought. I pat his shoulder.
“You know what? I’ll go find her right now and clear up whatever this is,” I tell him, and that’s what I do.
It takes me a while to hunt down Mariel, but I finally find her in the coop, cuddling a little Strix after a runner told me he’d seen her head that way.
“Hey,” I say softly, stopping at the door of the stall to gauge her mood.
“Hey,” she answers, not looking up.
“Mariel, did I hurt you somehow?” I ask. No point in beating around the bush. “I’m sorry if I did. That was never my intention.”
She looks up at that, but her eyes dart away again.
Fuck. I did hurt her.
I step inside, closing the door behind me carefully so none of the baby strix can escape. They are little black clouds of impossible soft plumes the size of a medium dog, their striking blue eyes nearly glowing between the dark feathers. They hop around me, chirping in hopes of a treat.
I go over to Mariel, carefully avoiding the fluffy feather-balls flitting around me. Crouching down, I settle one hand on her shoulder in comfort. At that, she throws herself into my arms, catching me by surprise and nearly toppling me over. I pat her hair and hold her while her body shakes with sobs.
Shit, what did I do?
“Uh, Mariel?” I ask tentatively, “What the fuck did I do?” This makes her laugh through her sobs, and she pulls back.
“I’m sorry. This is not just about you.” Her breath is still choppy, and she wipes at the tears running down her face. “I just thought we had a connection, and you were the first I ever asked out after Scott…and that wasn’t easy, and then… you didn’t show up without any explanation…” She hiccups.
It takes a while, but I finally managed to coax the whole story out of her.
Mariel asked me on an evening walk with her the night I met up with Sloan, and because I was so preoccupied with my plans, it didn’t even register.
Scott, on the other hand, had been Mariel’s fiancé, who joined the skyriders two years before us and lost his life during an accident in training.
“In the beginning, training was just…a way to cope with the pain, I guess…” Mariel shrugs. “And then…with his death, all my life plans had gone up in smoke…so I decided to join the skyriders to…feel close to him.” Mariel gives me a self-deprecating smile. “Pretty stupid…huh?”
“Fuck.” I heave out a breath after Mariel’s confession. “I’m so sorry you lost him, Mariel.” I hug her. “And no, I don’t think it’s stupid. Everyone copes with loss in their own way, and there is nothing wrong with that. I’m just so sorry I stood you up without even realizing it.”
She waves me off. “It’s fine. We just got along so well, and then you risked your life to save me…” She shrugs.
I huff out a breath. I only see one way to say this without hurting her any more than I already did. I trust Mariel. What is one more person knowing?
“Uh, I only ever saw you as a friend,” I tell her and rush on when I see her face fall, “because I’m kind of … uh … I’m a girl myself.” Mariel’s eyes go wide at my confession. Then hershoulders start to shake. Laughter bubbles out of her, and I can’t help but join in.
That is how Calix finds us, collapsed into each other’s arms, giggling. He shakes his head in confusion but seems visibly relieved.
We sitin the biggest of the classrooms—the theater. The rows of chairs rise in steps behind me since we first years always sit in the front. I snap my mouth shut when I realize it’s still hanging open. Legatus Janus’s mouth is still moving as he stands at the front facing us, but all I keep hearing are the words that are the end to my beautiful plan.
