Love is my dad giving up his dreams to support my mom and me when I was a surprise to them both, only for him to resent me for it later. So, yeah, maybe I see myself as a burden, but that’s because every person I’ve ever loved has left me broken into a million tiny pieces.
So, I took matters into my own hands, leaving before I ever had the chance to find out.
"Since you ghosted his ass and stayed here instead," Lyla finishes for me, no judgment in her voice, only understanding. She's heard this story before—pieces of it, anyway, on nights we'd had too much wine and my walls had come down just enough to let some truth slip through. I never gave too many details, though, to make sure she wouldn’t know exactly which Jaxon, or “Jax”, I was referring to.
"Yeah." The word comes out smaller than I intend.
Lyla studies me for a moment, her usual playfulness fading into something more serious. "So, what are you going to do now?"
"Good question. Avoid him? Transfer classes? Move to Canada?"
She rolls her eyes. "Or, you could, I don't know, talk to him? Find out why he's here? Maybe give the guy five minutes before you pull your usual disappearing act?"
I glare at her. "I don't have a 'usual disappearing act'."
"Please." She flicks her spoon at me. "You're the reigning champion of the Irish exit. The minute things get even semi-real, you're gone faster than free beer at a frat party."
"That's not—" I stop, because we both know it's true. "I just don't see the point in dragging things out. He's here, it's weird,we'll both pretend it's not happening, and once the draft comes, he’ll leave.”
Lyla's expression softens. "Not everyone leaves, Maddy."
"Name one person who's stayed," I challenge.
"Me, bitch." She bumps her shoulder against mine. "Three years and counting."
I can't help the small smile tugging at my lips. "Yeah, well, you're practically a stray cat I accidentally fed once. Now, I can't get rid of you."
"And you love it." She grins, pointing her spoon at me. "Look, all I'm saying is, maybe this is the universe giving you a second chance. How many people get that?"
I scoff. "The universe isn't giving me anything except an ulcer."
"Tell that to your lady parts when you see him in those football pants."
"Lyla!" I swat at her, but she just laughs, dancing away from my reach.
"What? You think I haven't seen Michigan State's games? That boy is fine as hell. And now he's here, which means fate is literally dropping a second chance in your lap. Or, you know, other places."
I groan, dropping my head into my hands. "I hate you."
"No, you don't." She hops off the stool, grabbing her bag from the counter. "But youwillhate yourself if you don't at least talk to him, find out why he's here."
Leave it to my best friend to call me out in the most loving way possible.
"Where are you going?" I ask, watching her slip on her shoes.
"Duty calls. I've got a shift at the athletic office in twenty." She pauses at the door, her expression turning mischievous. "But don't worry. I'll keep an eye out for your boy, see what the word is around the football department."
"Don't you dare, Lyla. I mean it."
She just winks, the door already closing behind her. "Love you too, roomie!"
I stare at the closed door, my heart still racing. Of all thescenarios I'd pictured for this semester, seeing Jaxon again wasn't on the list. I'd managed to convince myself that chapter of my life was closed, that I'd never have to face him—or the feelings he stirred up—ever again.
Now, he's here, and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do.
Or that, for a split second when I saw him sitting there, all I wanted to do was run straight into his arms.
3
