He stops so abruptly, I nearly crash into him. When he turns, his expression is locked down tight, jaw clenched, eyes carefully blank. I've never seen him look at me like this, and it hurts more than I thought possible.
"What, Madison?" His voice is flat, emotionless.
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. What am I supposed to say? Sorry I freaked out when you almost kissed me? Sorry I've been avoiding you for days? Sorry I'm terrified of how you make me feel?
Tell him the truth,one voice urges.Tell him you're scared but you want him.
Don't do it,the other warns.You'll ruin everything. Again.
I swallow hard. "I just… I don't want things to be weird between us." My voice is quieter than I mean for it to be. "I don't want anything to ruin our friendship."
His jaw tightens, the muscle feathering like he's barely holding something back. "That’s what you think is happening?"
I exhale, shifting on my feet. "Jax, what happened at the party was a mistake."
The moment the words leave my mouth, I know they're a lie, a pathetic attempt to protect myself from the avalanche of feelings threatening to bury me. But I can't take them back now.
His nostrils flare. "A mistake." He says it slowly, deliberately, like he's testing how the words taste in his mouth.
I nod, but my throat feels tight. "I had too much to drink. It got out of hand."
Another lie. I wasn't that drunk. I knew exactly what I was doing when I pressed against him, when I challenged him, when I let myself get lost in the feel of his hands on my hips.
Jaxon steps closer, and suddenly, all the space I thought I had disappears.
The air between us shifts, crackles like a live wire, and my body reacts before my brain does. My breath hitches. My skin prickles. My fingers curl into the hem of my sweatshirt like that'll somehow ground me.
He watches me closely, his voice lower now. "Tell me something, Madison."
I swallow hard. I can count on one hand how many times in the last five years he's called me by my full name, none of them a fond memory. "What?"
His eyes are dark, unwavering. "Does your body react the same way with all the other guys you've been with?"
My stomach plummets. The answer is no. It's always been no. No one has ever made me feel the way Jaxon does—not Carter, not any of the guys I've dated, not anyone. But admitting that means admitting what I feel for him is real. That it's always been real.
I take a shaky breath, my throat dry. "Jax?—"
"Do you feel safe with them the way you feel safe with me?"
My eyes snap up to meet his stormy ones. I never told him I felt safe. I never had to. He's always known me better than I know myself. The realization sends a fresh wave of panic through me.He sees through you. He always has.
I shake my head, chest tightening. "Don't do this."
He takes another step closer, his scent wrapping around me, like fresh citrus and amber, his voice dropping even lower. "Do what?"
"Make this into something it's not."
Liar,the voice in my head accuses.You know exactly what this is.
His brows pull together, and something flickers in his expression—hurt, maybe, but it's gone as quickly as it came, masked by something steely, unreadable.
I suck in a breath and step back. "I just… I don't want to lose you again." At least that much is true. The thought of Jaxon disappearing from my life again makes it hard to breathe, even though the first time was my own doing.
Jaxon studies me, his hands flexing at his sides. For a second, I think he's going to argue. Push. Tell me time doesn't change what we both felt in that moment. But he doesn't.
Instead, he nods once, sharp and clipped. "Okay."
Something about the way he says it—cold, distant—makes my stomach twist. I don't stop him when he turns and starts walking again, and I hate myself for it as I start walking the opposite way to the mathematics building.
