"Jax... I don’t even know why I’m calling, but…I just—God, I hate not talking to you. I just feel so empty."
Her breath hitches, but I don’t stop it. She needs to hear this.
"I miss you. I miss you so much, I don’t know what to do with it. It just…hurts, Jax."
Her whole body locks, her arms wrapped around herself, like she’s shielding from something.
The voicemail keeps playing.
"I overheard you that night, you know? When you were talking to your mom about finally trying to be more than my friend. About being in love with me. I freaked out, and I ran, and I ruined everything."
She sucks in a breath, her eyes squeezed shut now, like she can will this away.
But she can’t. I heard her the morning after she called me when I listened to her message, and I felt every damn word.
"It would’ve been different, Jax. If I had just stayed—if I hadn’t freaked out, if I had just?—"
She pauses before continuing.
"I just miss you. I need you, but you’re so far away." She sniffles, a muffled noise making the last words hard to hear. “I hope you’re doing okay. I’ve been watching your games and all that. You’re amazing. You’ve always deserved someone better than me, and I hope you find her. Bye, Jax.”
The voicemail ends.
When Madison finally opens her eyes to look at me again…I don’t see anger anymore.
I see fear.
Not of me, but of herself.
And the walls I spent the last few months tearing down? I watch them slam back up in real time.
"You should have told me." Her voice shakes, but her anger keeps it steady, keeps it sharp.
I step forward, desperate to fix this, to explain, but the way she stiffens makes my chest ache. "Mads, I wanted to?—"
"No, Jax." She shakes her head, eyes flashing. "You didn’t. You knew this entire time, and you never said a word."
I run a hand through my hair, frustrated. I didn’t mean for this to blow up like this. "I didn’t think it mattered."
That makes her laugh, short and hollow. "Oh, it mattered."
I shake my head, stepping closer. "Mads, come on?—"
She steps back, and it wrecks me.
I exhale sharply, my heart pounding. "I transferred here foryou, to have a chance with you. A real chance.”
Her arms tighten around herself, her body still so tense. "Then why didn’t you just say that?"
“I did.” I rake a hand down my face, frustrated with myself, with this whole fucking situation. "I didn’t think it was some big announcement I needed to make. It was you, Mads. It was always going to be you. At least, I hoped it would be."
Her throat bobs, her lips parting like she wants to say something, but nothing comes out.
"I wasn’t trying to lie to you," I murmur, but it sounds weak, even to my own ears.
She just shakes her head again, like she’s done, like she’s over it.
I feel the ground shift beneath me, feel the moment slipping through my fingers, feel her slipping away.
