Page 57 of The Mistake
‘Nat.’ Jake places a hand gently on her arm. ‘I’ve already checked. She’s not here.’
Natalie feels as though her heart might crack in two. ‘Then where is she? I can’t …’ she gasps, unable to say it out loud.I can’t lose her. I can’t go through this twice in one night.
‘Let me take you back to the house, come on.’ Silently Natalie lets Jake lead her by the hand towards the open patio doors at the back of the house.
‘She’s not out there,’ she says numbly, as Sally meets her at the door, Emily letting Jake pull her into a hug.
‘She’s definitely not in the house? You’ve checked everywhere?’ The FLO watches as Natalie paces, her hands going to her scalp, tugging at her hair.
‘Yes,’ Natalie almost shouts, before she stops, her hand going to her mouth. ‘Wait.’ There is one place she hasn’t checked, hadn’t even thought about. Pushing past the FLO, Natalie hurries to Erin’s bedroom. The room is dark, the blackout blind lowered now, blocking any hint of the early morning sun. Even so, despite the gloom, Natalie can see the cot is empty, and no Zadie sits on the nursing chair.
‘Oh God, Zadie, where are you?’ The words come out in a low moan, and Natalie sinks onto the nursing chair, wishing she could turn back the clock to the previous evening, before all of this happened. She wouldn’t let any of her children out of her sight.
At first, she thinks she’s imagined it as she stands, ready to head downstairs and back out into the garden where she can already hear Jake calling Zadie’s name again, but then it comes again. The faintest sniff. The sniff of a child who has been crying uncontrollably, and her heart stops.
‘Zadie? Zade?’
The sniff comes again, and Natalie goes to the wardrobe behind the door, half-filled with Erin’s tiny outfits. As she yanks the door open she almost collapses with relief, hot tears stinging her eyes as she sees a huddled Zadie, tear-stained and exhausted, tucked into the bottom of the wardrobe. She clutches Erin’s teddy to her chest.
‘Oh. Oh, thank God. Emily! Emily, I’ve found her!’ Natalie feels faint, her ears ringing. ‘Blimey, Zade, you gave me such a fright.’ Natalie gets to her knees and holds out her arms, waitingfor Zadie to shuffle into them. ‘What are you doing in here, silly thing? Didn’t you hear me calling you?’
Zadie crawls forward and climbs onto Natalie’s lap, her little body hot and sticky through the thin fabric of Natalie’s sundress. ‘I was scared,’ she says.
‘Oh, darling, you don’t need to be afraid.’ Natalie presses a kiss into Zadie’s hair, her arms wrapping tightly around Zadie’s little body as she waits for her own frantic pulse to subside. As Zadie settles against her, Natalie pulls her phone out and calls Pete.
‘I’ve found her. Pete, she’s here. She’s safe.’
Pete’s voice on the other end of the line is warm with relief, as he tells her he’s on his way with DI Travis, and Natalie turns her attention back to Zadie. ‘Everything is going to be OK, Zade, I swear. Erin’s going to be all right. Do you want to go and see her when Dad gets here?’
Zadie hesitates for a moment before she nods.
‘Right, well, we need to wash your face, don’t we?’ Natalie stands, her legs still shaking as she scoops Zadie up on to her hip and carries her into the bathroom. She sits her on the side of the bath and runs a flannel under warm water and begins to swipe at Zadie’s tear-stained face.
‘Zadie, you gave us a heart attack!’ Emily swoops into the bathroom and clutches Zadie in a fierce hug. ‘What were you doing, hiding like that?’ Emily gives her little sister an extra squeeze before letting her go and glancing at Natalie. ‘Are we still going to the hospital?’
‘Of course.’ Natalie rinses the cloth and returns to Zadie, pausing for a moment as she swipes the flannel over Zadie’s hands, over the smudges of lipstick on her fingers. Shaking her head, she gives Zadie a wobbly smile, and then lifts her off the bath and swats her on the bum. ‘Go downstairs with Emily for something quick to eat. I’ll bring you down some clean clothes and your shoes.’
As Zadie heads for the stairs, Natalie gives herself a minute to compose herself before she moves to the bedroom, anxious now to get the girls in the car and get back to the hospital – back to Erin – as soon as Pete arrives. She pulls out shorts and a T-shirt for Zadie to change into, and then turns to the wardrobe to hunt out the new Crocs that Zadie demanded for the party, taking some small comfort in performing mundane, everyday chores after the ordeal of the last twelve hours.I’ll never complain again, Natalie thinks, a sense of peace washing over her as she rummages in the depths of Zadie’s wardrobe. She’ll never wish time away, never wish they would all leave her alone, she’ll begratefulfor what she has. This life, this old life that she thought was so overwhelming, is all she wants now – just Pete and her girls, that’s all Natalie needs.
That’s odd. Natalie knows she put Zadie’s new Crocs in the bottom of the wardrobe when she brought them home. She’d pulled the label off and set them neatly in the bottom, beside Zadie’s PE plimsolls, and now they’re gone. Sitting back on her haunches, she surveys the room.
They have to be here somewhere.She saw Zadie wearing them when she was pushing Lola on the swing, right around the time Pete was about to make his speech. She remembers, because the stark, crisp whiteness of them stood out against the grass. Turning back to the wardrobe, Natalie pulls out the other pairs of shoes, stacking them neatly beside her, until the floor of the wardrobe is clear. Thrusting her hand in, she gropes around in the dark recesses at the back, letting out a hiss of triumph as her hand brushes something plastic.The Crocs.
‘Bingo.’ Natalie tugs the shoes towards her, the smile fading from her face as she turns them over in her hands. She bought these shoes brand new two days ago, and Zadie has only worn them to the party. So why are they shoved to the back of the wardrobe, the soles rimmed with dark mud? Natalie peers at the soles, her heart galloping in her chest. A slimy strand of riverweed wraps its way around the strap at the back of the shoe. Zadie wore them to the party, but she hadn’t left the garden yesterday, so the most Natalie would have expected would be grass stains on the white plastic.They were clean, she thinks,when Pete made his speech. When Zadie came into Erin’s bedroom when I was feeding her.Panic scratches at Natalie’s insides.Zadie had lipstick on her hands. Red lipstick.Natalie thinks she might vomit. She can’t process why the shoes have strands of river weed on them, why the soles are covered in the same thick mud marking the path through the woods alongside the stream. The path that becomes swampy and thick with viscous mud every time there is heavy rain. The path that Zadie walks every day when she goes to school, or to the shops, or to visit Eve’s house – that Zadie knows like the back of her hand. The path leading to the hollow in the old oak tree where Erin was found.
Pete and Natalie
Oh, God. Natalie drops the Croc as if it burns her hand, that familiar nausea rising as she looks at the shoes.
‘Mum?’ Emily appears in the doorway. ‘Zadie’s just having some toast and then we’ll be ready to leave.’
‘Great, love. Listen, can you get Jake to drive you straight to the hospital? I don’t want Erin left on her own. Leave Zadie here, I’ll bring her in a little bit.’ Natalie doesn’t wait for Emily to respond, just picks up the shoes and makes her way downstairs.
DI Travis’s car screeches to a halt outside the house sooner than Natalie expected, but even so she is pacing the driveway, a sick, nervous energy flooding her veins as Pete tumbles from the passenger side.
‘Pete … I …’ Natalie launches herself into the familiar safety of Pete’s arms. ‘Zadie’s here. She’s safe, but …’ She swallows, waiting until DI Travis steps out of the car and approaches them before lowering her voice. ‘I think I know who took Erin.’
‘What?’ Pete pulls back, his face draining of colour. ‘How …?’
