Page 30 of The Mistake
Zadie’s dark eyes fill and Natalie wants to groan aloud. ‘But I don’t feel well, Mum, I’ve been telling you all day.’
‘Go downstairs and see Dad, he’ll give you some Calpol.’
Zadie begins to grizzle, that droning grumble that used to get under Natalie’s skin even when she was tiny. Thrusting out her hands, she attempts to push her way into Natalie’s lap, knocking against Erin, who lets out a startled squawk. ‘I feel sick, Mummy. Like, really, really sick.’
Allowing Zadie to climb into the tiny space that Erin leaves on her lap, Natalie reaches out and presses her hand to Zadie’s forehead. ‘You don’t have a temperature. You probably just need something to eat, Zade, that’s all. Go and see Dad, he’ll do you a plate.’ Natalie half wants to suggest seeing Eve, as she knows Zadie will eat whatever Eve gives her, but everything still feels too raw.
‘I don’t want to eat,’ Zadie pouts. ‘I already told you, I feel sick. I don’t want any food! You don’t even care I feel sick!’
Oh, for fuck’s sake. Natalie can feel her own temper rising again. Where the hell is Pete? Why does he get to sit downstairs, drinking beer and talking shit with neighbours they barely know, when all Natalie wants to do is pour herself another glass of wine and be allowed to be an actual adult for ten minutes?
‘Don’t be so silly. If you feel that poorly, you need to miss the rest of the party and go to bed,’ Natalie snaps, gently removing Zadie from her lap and getting to her feet. Zadie tumbles dramatically to the floor, and opens her mouth to scream. ‘Don’t youdare,’ Natalie hisses, Erin now sleeping peacefully in her arms. She swears if Zadie yells and wakes the baby up she is liable to do murders. ‘Don’t you dare start that, Zadie. I’m warning you.’
Zadie pouts, an almost comical downturn of her mouth, before she gets to her feet and runs out of the bedroom. Moments later, Natalie winces as she hears the door to Zadie’s bedroom slam closed. Moving cautiously to the cot, Natalie gently stoops and places Erin in, holding her breath as she steps away. Erin stirsand Natalie freezes, her heart sinking, before she settles again and Natalie is safe to step away.
Hot, sweaty, and with the thumping headache that only another glass of wine will cure, Natalie lowers herself back into the nursing chair. How is this her life? She blinks, not wanting to allow the tears that ache behind her eyes to escape. Her eldest child thinks she’s a bitch. Her middle child accused her of not caring that she feels ill –always such a drama queen, that girl– and wildly prefers Natalie’s best friend to her. Her youngest child seemingly can’t bear to be around her. Her husband can’t even be arsed to come home on time from work, and when he does come home all he does is make demands on her, never once thinking that perhaps all she wants is a bit of peace and fucking quiet. Her bones ache with exhaustion; there never seems to be enough time for sleep, for a shower, for five minutes by herself. From the cot comes a sucking sound as Erin places her thumb in her mouth in her sleep, and once again Natalie freezes, afraid she’ll wake up. Is thisreallyher life? Tiptoeing around on eggshells in case she upsets one of them? Sitting back in the chair, Natalie covers her eyes with her hands and allows herself the tiny luxury of imagining a life without any of them. A life where none of them exist, and she can finally be left alone. A life where she can read a book, lie in the bath uninterrupted for an hour, go for long hikes, drink coffee until ten o’clock at night if that’s what she wants, knowing there is no one and nothing to get up for in the morning. Wouldn’t it all just be so much easier, if she didn’t have them to cater to? Guilt burrows its way under her skin at the thought. It wasn’t always this difficult. If she’s brutally honest, it’s only been the last year or so that everything has felt quite so overwhelming. Peering between her fingers at the cot, at Erin’s sleeping form, a tiny mound covered with a thin blanket, Natalie sighs as the truth twists deep in her gut. Wouldn’t it all be so much easier if Erin had never been born?
Pete
Closing the front door on Jake’s retreating back, Pete leans his forehead against the cool wood and takes a deep breath.What a shitshow. Although he knows Emily will be heartbroken if this is the end of the road for her and Jake, Pete can’t help but feel a tiny bit relieved that she might be able to go off to university without Jake as an anchor around her neck. The murmur of voices coming from overhead tells him that Natalie is upstairs with at least one of the older kids, and he lets his breath out in a long stream. He needs to find Vanessa while Natalie is otherwise occupied, and get her out of here.
Pausing as he reaches the open patio doors, Pete looks out onto the garden, his eyes running over the guests in search of Vanessa. For a moment, there is no sign of her and his heart skips, thinking that perhaps she realised what a mistake she was making and left, before a familiar peal of laughter comes from the shade of the apple trees at the rear of the garden and he spots her dark hair.
Oh hell, no. Stu stands beside Vanessa, laughing as she reaches out and touches his arm. Mari, Stu’s wife, stands to one side, her expression unimpressed, and Pete pushes his way through the other guests until he reaches them, panting slightly. Of course, she would latch on to Stu. She must remember him as Pete’s flatmate from first year.
‘Pete? You all right, mate?’ Stu frowns at him, and Pete nods, his mouth suddenly dry. ‘I can’t believe Vanessa is here!’ Stu gestures in her direction and Vanessa raises her glass to her lips, giving him a coy smile as she does. Mari just raises an eyebrow. ‘She was saying you guys are doing a brilliant job on that new housing estate. It must be weird to be working together after all this time.’
‘Yeah, it is a bit.’ Pete’s tone is sharp and Stu frowns for a moment, glancing between Pete and Vanessa. ‘I mean … it was weird to see Vanessa’s name in my inbox after so many years. But everything seems to be OK between us – working together, I mean.’ Pete’s laugh is too bright, too loud, its jagged edges catching in the air. ‘Anyway, sorry to interrupt you guys, but could I just borrow Vanessa for a moment?’
‘It was so good to see you again, Stu. It’s been a long time. What is it? Twenty years?’ Vanessa shakes her head. ‘And it was great to meet you, Mari. I’m sure we’ll run into each other again soon.’ Vanessa gives Stu’s hand a squeeze, smiling at Mari, and then follows Pete across the grass, her heels sinking into the soft ground. Behind them, Pete hears Mari raise her voice to Stu as they walk away.
Once they reach the patio doors, Pete gives Vanessa a little shove in the small of her back to get her inside, and then he grasps her elbow and drags her into the cloakroom, out of sight of the other party guests.
‘Gosh, Pete, there was no need to be so rude. I wasn’t going to say anything to Stu about us, if that’s what you were worried about.’ Vanessa widens her eyes, and Pete tugs at the door handle, making sure it’s tightly closed.
‘What the fuck are you playing at?’ he hisses, pressing his face close to hers. Pete likes to think of himself as pretty easy-going, but this, today, has his blood hitting boiling point. ‘Why the fuck are you here? How did you even know we were having a party? I certainly never invited you, and what in God’s name do you think you were doing pulling that little stunt with Stu?’
‘What do you mean,that little stunt?’ Vanessa blinks, her face pale. ‘I was just chatting to Stu, that’s all. It’s hardly a crime.’
‘I mean, turning up here unannounced. At my house.Again. Chatting to Stu like none of this,’ he gestures to her, and then to himself, ‘has ever happened. Do you think you’re being clever?’How did she know about the party?All Pete can think is that she’sbeen on his laptop. Looked at his calendar, seen everything that he and Natalie have planned, which isn’t much admittedly, but even so. He often leaves his laptop on the desk while he walks around site, and he’s not exactly James Bond. His password is NatEm99. Hardly uncrackable. The thought of her poking around his private files makes him feel grubby and unsettled. There’s something … intense about it. Stalker-ish, almost. ‘You shouldn’t be here.’
‘Pete, calm down.’ Reaching up, Vanessa winds her arms around his neck and pulls him closer, her perfume invading his senses as her mouth meets his. For a moment – just a brief, tiny moment – there is the flicker of desire in Pete’s belly, and then he grabs her hands and pulls them free, pushing her away from him. ‘I knew you didn’t mean it,’ she says, running her tongue over her lips. ‘I knew you’d see sense in the end.’
Pete pauses, his eyes narrowing. What the hell is she talking about? Of course he bloody meant it. And then it’s as if a light bulb goes on over his head and he sighs, scrubbing his hands over his face.
‘Jesus Christ, Vanessa. When I texted you to say I didn’t mean things to end like that, I was talking about what I said about your dad. That was wrong of me, I should never have thrown your dad back in your face. But the rest of it … I stand by what I said.’ Pete pushes away the thought of Natalie stiffening in his arms for a second before she returned his kiss after his speech. ‘I love my family, Vanessa. I want to be with them, not you.’
Vanessa lets out a sound as though Pete has punched her in the stomach, and when he looks up he sees her face harden, her shoulders pull back. Even so, there is something sloppy about the way she’s looking at him, as though she can’t quite focus. Too late, Pete realises that in the short time Vanessa has been in his house, at his daughter’s party uninvited, she has sunk more than her fair share of wine.
‘Vanessa … Ness …’ Panic chills Pete in a cold wave thatdrenches him from head to foot. ‘Don’t … Don’t overreact.’ Aware that Natalie is just upstairs – literallyabove their heads– Pete wants to get Vanessa out of the house as soon as possible before she can make a scene. After what’s already happened at the party with Emily and Jake, Pete doesn’t know if he can handle much more today. In fact, he’s wishing he’d never pressed Natalie to hold this bloody party in the first place.
‘Are you kidding me?’ Vanessa’s voice cracks, her mouth tightening into a thin line. ‘You are the one who pursued me, Pete.Oh, Ness, I’m so miserable, my wife doesn’t understand me, she’s let herself go, she doesn’t want tofuckme.’ Her voice rises and Pete glances up at the ceiling, praying Natalie can’t hear them.
‘Ness, please. I think you should go, we can talk about things later.’
‘Oh, can we? No, I think we can talk about it now, Pete.’ She spits his name in his face. ‘You chased me. Taking me out to dinner, kissing me in the office, making it clear you wanted me. Reminiscing about the past … You knew exactly what you were doing.’
‘Vanessa …’
