Page 3 of The Mistake
‘It was ages ago, back in the nineties. I was seventeen. I wasn’t with the father – he was just a drunken fling, and even if I was, it wasn’t the right time for me. I was at college, working part-time in Zara, out partying every night. I would have made a crap mother. But it didn’t go to plan, and I got an infection and it left me sterile.’ Eve gulps a huge mouthful of wine, blinking. ‘It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, but at the same time I always thought there’d be another baby.’
‘You were in a different situation,’ Natalie says. ‘You didn’t really have any other option.’
‘Well, I did,’ Eve says bitterly. ‘I could have had the baby. I probably would have been married by now, had more babies. But once you tell a man you can’t give him children it kind of knocks you off the marriage pedestal. It was the worst mistake I’ve evermade, and now it’s too late – I don’t think I’ll ever get married. I’m forty-five, for God’s sake.’
Natalie never knew any of this. She has known Eve since she went back to work when Emily was almost two. She was assigned the desk beside Eve’s – before Eve realised that HR for a charity wasn’t her dream job, and she retrained as a counsellor. Although Eve has had boyfriends who have come and gone over the years, Natalie always thought it was her choice. That Eve was the one who made the decision to let them go. She always thought Eve loved her boozy, travel-filled, single lifestyle.
‘I’m sorry.’ Eve swipes at her eyes with her napkin. ‘I’m not saying I’ve had a terrible life or anything, because I haven’t. But what I am saying …’ She leans in, holding Natalie’s gaze. ‘What I am saying is that I have regretted what I did every day. Every day I think about that baby and wonder what it would have been like. What would they be doing? What relationship would we have? I look at you and Emily and I always wonder.’
‘I’m so sorry, Eve. I had no idea.’ Natalie feels as if a weight has been placed on her shoulders. Not a burden as such, but the weight of guilt for all the times she asked Eve to have the kids, not knowing Eve was pining for her own lost child all this time.
Eve sniffs, pats her cheeks briskly and smiles, albeit shakily. ‘Enough. Enough about that. I am thrilled for you, and I just want you to make sure you are absolutely sure about any decision you do make. You know I’ll support you whatever you decide.’
‘I know.’ Natalie reaches out and squeezes Eve’s hand. ‘Sorry to lay this on you at lunch.’
‘Don’t be daft, it’s what friends are for. Listen, have you seen a doctor yet?’
Natalie nods. ‘Two weeks ago, after I did the test.’ The doctor – in his late sixties and at the surgery since the dawn of time, it seemed – had congratulated her in a hurried way, without offering any other options.
‘Wow. You’ve known for two weeks?’
The smell of the bread hits Natalie’s senses and she wants to groan aloud. Her nausea has died down, and now she’s starving. She piles salted butter onto a chunk of warm bread and takes a huge bite, chewing frantically before she speaks.
‘I wanted to get my head round it all before I told Pete. I’m going to have to tell him soon, I have a dating scan in two weeks.’
‘You don’t have to tell Pete yet, not if you’re not ready.’
‘Eve—’
‘I’ll go with you.’ Eve raises her eyebrows. ‘If you don’t want to tell Pete yet, I’ll go to the dating scan with you. Then you’ve got a bit more time to decide what you think you want to do, and the best way to break the news to him.’
‘You would do that?’
‘Of course.’ Eve raises her glass in a toast, waiting for Natalie to clink her water glass against it. ‘What are friends for?’
Later, Zadie is in bed after a bath and a story, and Emily is out with Jake, her boyfriend. Pete texts Natalie to say he’ll be home late, and she resists the urge to collapse on the sofa. Eve’s reaction to the news of her pregnancy has shocked Natalie, and she can’t shake the look on Eve’s face as she told her how much she regretted getting rid of her baby. Despite the exhaustion tugging at her bones, Natalie heads upstairs to the landing and stands beneath the loft hatch. Listening to make sure Zadie is asleep, once she is satisfied all is silent, Natalie slowly unhooks the latch, climbing the steps into the wide, draughty space. Turning on the light, she shuffles her way over the dusty boards to the boxes pressed against the wall. Pulling one towards her, she flicks the lid open, running a finger over the contents inside.An old scan photo, dated 2005.Emily’s scan. The first time she and Pete saw this miracle baby they’d accidentally created. With a smile, Natalie tucks it back into the box before dipping in and pulling out something else.Tiny, pink knitted bootees.Pete’s mum had sent them over from Australia when she heard Emily was going to bea girl. Natalie had wept over the parcel, after her own mother had stopped taking her calls.A hospital band. So tiny it only just loops around Natalie’s thumb.Zadie Esther Maxwell. DOB 3/10/2014. Zadie’s hospital bracelet. She had been tiny, barely six pounds. They’d named her Esther for Pete’s mum. Natalie presses a hand to her stomach, breathing in the musty attic air. She’s not sure how she feels about anything any more. Tucking the tiny baby bootees into the pocket of her jogging bottoms, she descends back to the landing.Tomorrow, she thinks.I’ll tell Pete tomorrow.
Pete
Pete is running late even though he left site early, and even though he promised Natalie he would be on time to meet her for dinner. He had wanted to go to that fancy new Italian restaurant on the other side of town, but she wanted to go to their usual place, despite the fact they’ve eaten everything on the menu and she and Eve lunch there all the time. Natalie gets her way tonight, which is no surprise to Pete, even though the old place is further away from work for him.
Nevertheless, Pete is feeling chipper. Natalie called and asked him to dinner, saying she’s got something to tell him, and he’s got a feeling in his bones that it might be about that promotion she was talking about. If she gets it, it means they’ll have enough money to cover Emily’s rent at uni for the first year without dipping into their savings. He’s got something to tell her, too, and as he gets out of the car, he taps his jacket pocket, checking the envelope is still there.
‘Sorry I’m late.’ Natalie twists away slightly, offering up a cheek as Pete arrives at the table, reaching down to kiss her. ‘I got heldup.’
‘Of course you did.’ Natalie rolls her eyes, but her tone is good-natured, which Pete takes as a sign that she’s probably got good news for him. She smiles as he sits down opposite her, but her face is pale and tired, and Pete feels a tiny flicker of concern. He knows he’s been working long hours on the new contract, but finally it’s starting to pay off. Natalie has been working and taking care of the kids on her own, and he knows she’s already struggling with the idea of Emily going away to university after her A levels, because he came home late one evening about a month ago andshe was asleep, clutching a tiny pair of Emily’s baby bootees. ‘I ordered for you,’ she says. ‘I’m starving.’
‘Well, I’m here now, and I’ve got something for you.’ Pete pulls out the slim envelope. He can’t wait to see her face when she opens it. ‘This is the reason I was late.’
Natalie takes it with a curious smile, pulling the slim cardboard wallet from the envelope. ‘Pete …’ Her eyes widen and her hand goes to her mouth, and Pete feels a thrill run through him. He knew she’d be pleased.
‘Four tickets to Oz,’ he grins. He’s waited years for this, ever since his parents decided to emigrate when he left for university, back to New South Wales where his mum grew up. Pete had grown up in West Marsham hearing stories of barbecues on the beach, surfing the best waves and blisteringly hot summer days, but when his parents had made the announcement, he’d just got into his dream university. He’d made the difficult decision to stay while his parents and younger brother packed up and moved their lives halfway across the world. ‘I went to the travel agent and booked it straight from work. I know I could have booked it online, but there’s something a bit more special about going into the shop and booking with a real person, isn’t there?’
‘When are these for?’ Natalie raises her eyes to his, before she looks back down at the tickets.
‘Christmas. Well, the seventeenth of December, actually. I thought we could do three weeks. We can stay with Mum and Dad, spend some time with the rest of the family. The girls can finally meet their cousins. They’ll have to miss the first week back at school, but Emily will only have revision at sixth form, and I can get away for that long – the site will be closed until the beginning of January at the earliest. The girls are going to love it. It’s just a small town, but Mum and Dad are only a ten-minute walk from the beach, there’s a nature reserve nearby, and if we want to go to the city, Newcastle is only 20 kilometres away. Andthere’s this, too …’ On a roll now, Pete pulls out another envelope from his jacket pocket. This is the one he’s really excited about.
‘What is this?’
