Page 14 of The Mistake
‘Something like that.’ Pete sips at his pint again, and feels everything he wants to say – but can’t – bubbling beneath the surface. ‘It’s been a mental few months, really.’
‘Not helped by everything being crazy busy here. You must be doing something right, though. The houses are flying off plan before you can even get them up.’
‘That’s about all I’m getting right at the moment.’ Pete smiles but it turns into a grimace. ‘How’s your mum, anyway?’
‘You tell me.’ Vanessa rolls her eyes.
Pete hasn’t seen Vanessa’s mum for years, but he remembers that they weren’t particularly close. ‘Oh?’
‘She got remarried –again– a couple of years ago, so I haven’t really seen her for ages. You know how she always used to be, head in the clouds whenever she had a new fella … She’s ten times worse now.’ Vanessa sighs. ‘What about your parents? How’s Oz?’
‘Oh, you know. Same as they ever were. They love it out there, though.’ Pete remembers the day they’d sat him and his brother down to tell them about their plan to move to the other side of the world – remembers the way he’d broken down when he told Vanessa what was happening. Pete had been devastated, because even though he wanted to go with them, he’d had his own life plan, plus he hadn’t wanted to leave Vanessa. They’d been together for three years at that point, and he thought he potentially could marry her. But then his parents had left, he’d gone to uni, met Natalie and left her anyway.
‘Do you get to see them very much? I bet they were thrilled about the baby. I can imagine your mum flying over, telling everyone she met on the plane she was going to meet her new grandchild. I remember how she was that time your brother found that tiny puppy in the woods.’ Vanessa laughs.
‘She never did manage to persuade Dad to keep it.’ Pete smiles as he shakes his head. ‘It’s hard, with the distance. We don’t get to see them as often as we’d like. They haven’t been over since Zadie was born, so they haven’t even met Erin. And Natalie doesn’t speak to her parents at all, so …’
‘Wow. So you guys have done it all on your own.’ Vanessa sits back, signalling to a drinks waiter for another round for their table. ‘It must have been tough … I know how close you were to your parents.’
‘Yeah.’ Pete nods. ‘Actually, yeah, it has been tough this time around.’
‘A new baby is a big adjustment.’
‘I don’t think I realised how much of an adjustment. We have two kids together already, and I thought having a third would just … slot in, I guess. By now, anyway.’
‘And it’s not worked out that way?’ Vanessa sips her wine, never taking her eyes off him, and for the first time in a long time Pete feels as though someone is actuallylisteningto him.
‘No. Erin is … She’s a difficult baby. She cries a lot, and I know it’s tough for Nat. It’s been tough on all of us. I come home after hours on site and Nat just shoves the baby at me and shuts herself away in the bedroom. I can’t remember the last time we ate a meal together. I can’t remember the last time she even properly talked to me. It’s almost as if she can’t stand to be around me. Don’t get me wrong, I love them all,’ Pete says, hastily gulping at his beer, ‘but it’s been a bigger upheaval than we were all expecting, I think.’
‘Have you tried talking to Natalie about how you feel?’
Pete shakes his head. ‘There’s no point – any time I try to raise anything like that, she just shuts me down and reminds me it’s her that’s home all day with the kids. Sorry. Ignore me. You didn’t come out to listen to me moan.’
Vanessa smiles, shaking her head. ‘Come on, Pete, don’t be daft. We’re old friends. If you can’t talk to your old friends, who can you talk to? It sounds like Natalie is …’ she trails off.
‘What?’
‘Honestly?’ Vanessa meets his gaze, the candle on the table giving her face a golden glow. ‘You can tell me if I’m out of order, but it sounds to me as though Natalie is being a little selfish.’
Pete sits back, stunned for a moment. This is the thought he’s been privately harbouring ever since Natalie sat across the table from him and told him she was keeping the baby, regardless of what he wanted. ‘I just don’t want this to be it, you know?’ he agrees. ‘We were meant to go to Australia to look at a plot of land – we were meant to travel and do things together once the girls were older. I even bought tickets,’ he gives a rueful huff oflaughter, ‘to go to Australia for Christmas last year, but of course everything is on hold now.’ Pete feels as if his entire life is on hold, and he’s treading water.
Fresh drinks arrive – a shandy for Pete, as he’s driving, and another glass of Sauvignon for Vanessa. Pete uses the distraction to change the subject, feeling disloyal at speaking so frankly to someone – toVanessa, of all people – other than Natalie. ‘What about you?’
Vanessa frowns. ‘What about me?’
‘What have you been up to since …?’ Pete trails off, not sure how to finish the sentence.Since I swanned off to uni and left you behind with your useless mum? Since I chucked you for Natalie?
‘Since college?’ Vanessa makes it easy for him. ‘Oh, you know. Becoming a hotshot property developer. Riding roughshod over the little people who contest any inch of space being built on.’ She lets out a familiar peal of laughter. ‘I’mkidding. I guess you could say I’m the polar opposite to you.’ Vanessa smiles as she reaches for her wine, and Pete feels an odd flutter in his stomach. ‘No kids at all. And I don’t think I really want them, to be honest.’ She flushes. ‘I know, it probably sounds weird. Everyone always expects women to want a family but … no, not for me.’
‘What made you …?’ Pete swallows. ‘I mean, what made you feel that way?’ He remembers her always liking kids; at least, she was good with his little brother.
‘You know my dad left when I was really young?’ Vanessa says. ‘Skipped out on me and my mum for a woman two streets away, so that was great.’ She takes a mouthful of wine, but Pete can see the hurt on her face. ‘Watching him bring up two boys with his new wife, while he blanked me if he saw me in the corner shop … I just thought,I never want that. I wouldn’t want to recreate that for my own kid.’
‘Jesus, I’m sorry.’
‘God, Pete, don’t be. I’m all right. I’ve got a pretty brilliant life – posh flat in the centre of town, a nice car, a good job. I loveto travel and kids would just hold me back.’ The words are right, but the smile Vanessa offers up as she speaks lacks conviction.
‘Really?’ Pete leans forward, keen to know more. ‘I wish I’d travelled after uni – I wanted to do Asia, but it didn’t work out that way.’Nappies and broken sleep. That’s how it worked out for Pete after uni.
