Page 65 of Only for Love
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Grayson
I’m spent. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. I’ve tapped my reserves, and I’m depleted. But I do have Emma in my arms, lying on her hardwood floor. It’s more comfortable than living in a dug-out burrow in the desert. It’s more peaceful than my time spent alone in a hospital bed. Emma shifts, and I reposition us so that she’s not bearing the burden of lying on the hard floor.
“You okay?” she whispers.
“No.”
“You’re going to be though.”
I nod. “I know.”
The night crawls by, and I can’t tell if she’s asleep. Her breathing pattern never changes, her muscles don’t relax. Finally, I shift to see her face. She’s out.
“Emma?”
Nothing. The girl doesn’t budge. Then I realize she’s fallen asleep clinging to me. Her fingers are flexed into my muscles, and her body blankets me in a way that I can’t peel away from. Not that I would. For the first time, everything is laid on the table, and I can breathe.
I stand, and she holds onto me tightly, still sleeping. As carefully as I can, I make my way to her couch, where our night started. I’m not sure why, but I can’t head for her bedroom. I don’t have permission or some shit. I can’t explain it, but it’s hers to invite me to. Just like the rest of this house, the rest of her life… I want in, and as evidenced by earlier tonight, I can’t ram my way in.
She stirs when I lay us down. Her cheek is glued to my bare chest, her soft hair tickling me.
“You okay?” she asks again, voice sleep-soaked.
“Getting there.”
She takes a deep breath as she fully wakes. “I’ll tell you a story.”
My heart squeezes. “Yeah. Could use one of those.”
Silence lingers, and I’m sure it’s close to dawn. The night is still dark through the windows, but there’s the slight hint of morning.
“Once upon a time, there was a little girl. She has blond hair and green eyes.”
God, Emma’s stories always take me away, make me feel better. This one feels as if it’s going to kill me, but I keep quiet, trying to trust in her to save me from tonight.
“Every day, she wakes with a smile. She puts on her princess hat and lines up her princess dollies, giving them each a good morning hug. With worldly two-year-old advice, she tells each toy to have a great day because the sun is out.” Emma sighs. “The sun will always rise, Gray. Even if we have to be saved from ourselves, there’s nothing a little princess charm and a hug can’t help.”
I let her words coat me, sink in. I don’t need to be saved from tonight. I’ve never needed the here and now more than right this second. “True enough.”
Her hand gingerly slides up my stomach, her palm drifting over my light smattering of chest hair. “What I said earlier… I was unhinged. Awful and angry. I’m really sorry.”
I kiss the top of her head and inhale the sweet sunshine of her scent. “I deserved it.”
“Oh, Gray. I think you think you deserve more than you actually do.”
Maybe. “Another conversation for another night.”
“I didn’t know about your mom. I wanted a piece of you with me every day.” She sucks in a heartbroken breath. “You were with me every day. Every night. I couldn’t let you go.”
“You don’t have to.”
“Maybe.”
“Nothing has to be decided tonight.” The darkness in the window is melting to a deep purple. “Go to sleep, baby.”
Her arms tighten around me. “Be here when I wake up?”
