“Yeah. I know. But…” He forks his fingers through his hair. “At some point you have to get on with your life.”
“I guess it can take a while. And it’s probably different for different people.”
He moves his head up and down without looking up. “I’m worried about her.”
Shit. I have no experience with this to draw on. When my grandparents passed away a few years ago, it was sad, but not unexpected. When your child dies… Jesus. I can’t even imagine,especially now that I have Tilly. “Is she getting help?” I ask carefully.
“Yeah. We’re both going for therapy. Together and alone. And she’s been seeing her doctor. But she hasn’t gone back to work. She doesn’t seem to have interest in anything.” He pauses. “Including me.”
Oh, Jesus. I stare at my buddy, a knot forming in my gut. “I’m sorry,” I manage to say. “I don’t know what else to say.”
He looks up with a crooked smile. “Yeah, I know. Don’t worry. I’m just venting.”
“It’s good to talk things out. I know it’s not always easy, though. And I can always listen, even if I can’t do much else to help. Hey. Let’s go get a beer.”
“I should probably get home to Ayla. But…” He sighs. “Okay. Sure.”
I send Andi a quick text to let her know I’ll be home a bit late, and Alfie and I decide on a place to meet up. I don’t suggest Uncle Ernie’s, where we often hang out. Uncle Ernie’s Café and Pizza is near where a bunch of us live, the food and drinks are great, and Ernie’s a great guy and huge hockey fan, but… Ernie is also Ayla’s grandfather. And Ayla used to work there.
So we meet at the Swan Dive on Palisade Avenue, a cozy little pub with lots of types of beer and decent food. The lunch crowd has mostly cleared out so we find a table in the back corner. I order a Raging Bitch IPA and Alfie gets a Three Sheets ale.
“So.” Elbows on the table, Alfie turns his beer glass.
“Yeah. Life sucks sometimes.”
“How areyoudoing?” he asks. “With the baby.”
“Well. We’ve managed not to drop her on her head.”
“We?”
“My neighbor. And friend. I tried to hire a nanny and it didn’t work out.” I make a face and tell him about Andi and how we’ve been coordinating schedules.
“Lucky you have her,” he remarks. “You figured out diaper changes and all that?”
“More or less. I did put an outfit on her upside down one day. Andi thought that was hilarious. I wondered why it didn’t seem to fit right.”
“Haha. Yeah, there’s a lot to learn. When Kane was a newborn, every time he made a noise I ran over to pick him up. Didn’t realize he was just making noise in his sleep. He made alotof noise in his sleep.”
Alfie keeps talking about Kane and I just smile and listen. This is probably good for him. I bet nobody wants to bring up his baby, but clearly he wants to talk. I may not have any advice for how to deal with grief, but I can do this.
An hour later, Alfie seems happier and more relaxed. “Thanks for listening, man.”
“Hey, no problem. Any time. We can do this again.”
“Maybe some time I could meet Matilda.”
I feel a bite in my chest. “Yeah. For sure. Whenever you’re ready.”
I head home, eager to see my little princess. How things have changed. I’ve gone from being terrified and dreading being alone with her to missing her. Wow.
I go to Andi’s place because she took Tilly there this morning so she could work while Tilly sleeps. I find Andi flustered and pissed off.
“What’s wrong?” I take Tilly from her. “Hi, sweetie.”
“You’re late!”
“I texted you.”
