“Come inside, Aaron.” I looked up at her.
“He is out here in this cold. I will be out here with him.” I needed to see the same sky and stars as he did. I needed to be here when he came back to me.
She kissed me on the cheek. Arguing with me was no use. She had learned that years ago. I had made my decision.
I sat there all night staring into the darkness. He had to be out there somewhere. I saw the dog teams come in, shaking their heads at me as they arrived. Before the sun peeked over the horizon, the volunteers and rescue teams prepared to search again. People who walked by me when they headed in to sleep the night before looked at me curiously when they headed back out.
Tanner came out and handed me a cup of coffee. “Drink that you need the caffeine, and you need to be able to function like a human when they find him.”
“Can you ask Sarah to feed the dragons for me?” Both dragons took turns coming out of the box during the night and cuddled with me. When they got cold, they would crawl back into the warmth. They hadn’t eaten much, and Charlie needed a couple of complete meals today so he would start to heal.
“Yup, I will tell her I’m bringing you some toast. You must eat something.”
“Thank you, Tanner, but no. He isn’t eating.” He nodded his head at me and walked away. I greatly appreciated those who loved me. They didn’t try to convince me of what they thought I should do. They respected me enough to accept my choices. I knew they would all be there if I needed to be put back together after falling apart.
Chapter forty-three
River
Lost in the Canadian mountains.
As I felt the sun on my face, I sat up. I didn't exactly sleep but dozed on and off a few times. My leg throbbed, but I could still move my foot, which meant at least I had circulation. In this location, I was able to assess my situation better. In the distance, I could see what looked like a plowed road. I needed to get there. It might as well be a thousand miles away. I thought about how I built Hot Shots one step at a time, one client at a time. I could do this, and I had to do this. I wasn’t going to die on the fucking mountaintop without Aaron knowing that I wanted him to have my heart.
With that, I peered over the edge. Looking down gave me vertigo. That wasn’t a route I could take. I reached behind me. I had a nagging feeling in my ribs. I rubbed the spot. My palm was covered in blood when I brought my hand back in front of me. “That can’t be good.”
I moved near the side of the ledge and saw a particularly bendy tree. I decided to lower myself into a snowbank about thirty feet down. Lowering myself was probably dreaming, but I could fall a shorter distance. I needed to get moving. I was getting hungry and figured I would start having a problem if I didn’t get food soon.
I hoped Shandra and Tyrell were okay. I was most worried about Charlie, knowing he would have come to me if he could have. Daisy would be so sad if he didn’t make it. I refused to think about myfeelings if he was gone. I stood up, used the wall for balance, and headed towards the little tree. It seemed rooted well when I tugged, so I grabbed it by the base. Sliding down would rip up my hands. I tore off my other shirt sleeve and wrapped the pieces around the palms of my hands.
“Here goes nothing,” I said. Sitting on my ass again, I grabbed the tree's base, and it slid through my grip, so I got closer to the ground. It was about twelve feet down to the built-up snow. I sure hoped there weren’t rocks. I landed with a hard thump, then screamed in pain and saw stars behind my closed eyes.
I lay there for a long time, finally sliding out of the snow pile. I pulled myself toward the road, and I was in no shape to walk. When I looked behind me, there was a blood trail. I didn’t know if it was from my leg or my back, but I kept moving forward. I slid down the sides of hills and fell off one sizable cliff. I didn’t always see blood in the snow, which was a good sign. At least, that was what I told myself. I didn’t know how far I had traveled. Sometimes, I could see the road, but it was hard to tell from above how far away it was. It was nearly dark, and I continued moving forward, but it still felt like I was no closer to the road. The farther I went, the snow wasn’t nearly as deep, but still too much for my battered body. I could barely drag myself. I wasn’t going to be able to walk. I found rocks that would block me from any wind overnight. Thankfully, it hadn’t snowed at all today.
I tried to fill my belly with snow and fell asleep. I awoke startled by the noise in the distance. Somehow, I made it through another night. It was just the break of dawn, and I was sure I heard a truck. I couldn’t see it, and it was in the distance, but it was close enough that I could hear it in the silence of the woods. By the sound, it was much closer than the last time I heard something on the road.
It comforted me to know I was at least heading in the right direction. I started to half drag and crawl towards the road, listening for more vehicles. I thought I had heard another one, but it was impossible to know. I had to stop more often because my body was giving out. The loss of blood and no food to replenish energy was catching up to me. As the sun started to set on the fourth night, I saw a car pass on the road. I raised my hands and tried to yell. No sound came out. I was weak, and I couldn’t alert them.
It crushed me that I was so close but too far for them to help. I kept heading towards where I saw the car. My body had nothing left. I dragged my leg behind me, and my hands were bloody, and I could barely pull myself inches at a time by my arms. Looking forward, I was finally level with the road. It was probably one hundred yards ahead of me. I pushed my body forward until I faced a bottomless ravine between myself and the roadway.
I put my head down and cried again. I couldn’t go any further. Going down then up that steep incline might as well be climbing Mount Everest. I had nothing left; the last ten feet had taken me at least an hour. It was impossible to imagine getting to the other side where someone would find me. I slid myself to the edge. I couldn’t just lay here and die. I knew I couldn’t go any farther. I was bruised and bloody. I made it this far, but this was the end. I hoped he would know how hard I tried to get back to him, but I couldn't go on. I decided that I would leave this world on my terms. I lay there with my eyes closed, my body broken. I thought about my parents and how much I loved them. I thought about my four obnoxious but fantastic brothers. All of them were strong, kind, and honest, and I spent most of the time thinking about Aaron.
Our time together should have been longer. There was much more I had wanted to do with Aaron, mostly though I wanted to tell him Iwas in love with him. I’ve said to myself that so many times over the last three weeks. I should have just told him. That was the crux. I made a huge mistake, and now I would pay for it with agony in my body and heart. “Forgive me for not being strong enough,” I told nobody. Then, I pushed myself over the edge of the steep decline, and my body tumbled to the bottom.
Chapter forty-four
Aaron
It was dawn on day four, and the rescue crews that weren’t being paid packed up and left. They had searched all over the mountain hundreds of times. The FAA found the black box, and they were picking up the pieces of the aircraft. The RCMP said we could stay if we wanted, but they called off the search and were sorry for our loss. I sat outside the whole time; I waited for him to return to me. I refused to sleep somewhere warm until I fulfilled my promise to his mother. I knew this was likely now a recovery mission. She said one way or the other, and I wouldn’t let her down.
Sarah came out carrying the milk crate with the dragons in it. I put them inside for two or three hours to help Charlie heal. They were setting the box in a window so Daisy could watch outside. I was worried they wouldn’t stay warm at night. As Sarah exited the building, Charlie started to screech and flap and threw himself out of the crate.
“What the hell, Sarah? What did you do?” She looked at me.
“I didn’t do anything. Charlie just started freaking out.”
He started to flap his wings harder, and he got much louder. Daisy spun around and followed him towards the road. They stopped, looked at each other, and their heads bobbed back and forth. “I have no idea what’s going on. Do you?”
“No.” I don’t think his body has healed enough to fly, but he acted like he wanted to. He started to hop and glide faster up the road. He was beating the hell out of himself. Daisy flew ahead of us, landed on the road, and waited for Charlie to catch up.
