Page 66 of If This Gets Out
“Do we have to?” Ruben grumbles, but as Angel tugs us up, a tiny smile breaks through.
It’s funny. Group hugs used to be such a thing with the four of us. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed them.
I knew Angel and Jon would be supportive, but it’s so cool to know that’s not just a theory anymore. My instincts have been proven correct.
Across the restaurant, I see Erin walk inside. Soon, I need to tell her, too. But I can wait a few seconds.
I can have this moment just for me.
THIRTEEN
RUBEN
“Well, obviously, this is wonderful.”
Out of all the things I expected to hear from Geoff on this call, this ranks somewhere down the bottom, smack between “We’re passing complete creative control on to you, boys” and “I’ve decided to become the fifth member of Saturday.”
On the chair beside me, Zach’s face lights up. I’m not sure he has a suspicious bone in his damn body. “Really?” he asks.
“Of course!” On-screen, Geoff leans back in his chair, his already wide-set features spreading further into a smile. It’s a dangerous smile. The smile of someone watching their opponent make a fatal move in chess. Of someone watching their enemy sign their own death warrant.
Or—or—I’m paranoid as hell after growing up in a house of dangerous smiles, and it’s impossible for me to trust that an authority figure is genuinely happy for me when I, personally, feel like I’ve gone against their wishes. One or the other.
Erin is perched on the edge of her bed so we can take the two seats by the table. She gives us a thumbs-up, andhersmile definitely doesn’t seem dangerous. So maybe I should relax.
“Young love is a beautiful thing, boys,” Geoff goes on, aregular romantic poet now, apparently. “Although, I’m sure I don’t have to impress upon you the importance of maintaining a professional working relationship, no matter the outcome, here.”
I wish he hadn’t used the word “love.” This is all feeling a little intense. But I nod firmly, shoving my embarrassment aside. “Absolutely. The band comes first, for both of us.”
“I’m very glad to hear that.” There’s that smile again. My arms pull into my body against my will, like they’re putting up reinforcements.
Zach straightens, putting his hands on his knees. “Um, I need to let you know, though, I’m not ready for… there’s a lot of people who don’t know. Like, my parents. Can this stay on a need-to-know basis, for now?”
For once, Geoff looks sincere. “Zach, ofcourse.I wouldn’t dream of overstepping like that. Your private life is your business.”
Zach seems to melt into himself, and he flashes me a relieved smile. I try to return it, but my lips are weighed with lead.
Then Geoff continues. “In fact, I think you should take your time. This isn’t the sort of thing we want to make public right this second, anyway.”
“No?” I ask, trying to keep my voice light.
The thing is, this is all feeling like déjà vu. From the fact that interviewers whomustbe aware that I’m gay never seem to ask about this, as though they’ve been instructed not to, to the “insider sources” who continually “leak” stories about my latest girlfriends, to the dozens of gimmicky articles they’ve run with us where we’re encouraged to share what our idealwomanis like. It doesn’t take a genius to read between the lines to the implication. In public, you’re straight. In private, your life is your business.
Zach’s got to be aware of this. He’s seen me go through it. But maybe I’ve rolled with the punches too efficiently, because he doesn’t seem to notice any red flags here. If anything, he seems thrilled.
But then, maybe he should be. I’ve never particularly wanted to keep my sexuality a secret; for Zach, though, it’s new, and confusing, and discretion is likely exactly what he wants. So, is it the end of the world if Geoff wants this to stay on the down-low for now? If it’s what Zach needs, who am I to kick up a fuss?
Still, for clarity’s sake… “I agree,” I say with false cheer. “There’s no rush. But when you say right this second…?”
“I’m just thinking about Russia,” Geoff says. “Given the political climate over there, it’s our priority to keep you boys completely safe. We have a duty of care. I can’t say exactly what would happen if this gets out before that tour stop…”
“Right,” Zach says. “They might cancel the show.”
“They might,” says Geoff. “There are anti-propaganda laws in place, especially in regards to minors, which constitute the majority of your audience. But even if we were to find a way around that, traveling there amidst a likely media storm about your relationship… well, some people might object to our presence strongly enough that we end up in a dangerous situation.”
“Our” presence, he says. Like he’ll be there alongside us. Good joke.
Zach’s eyes widen. “Shit.”
