That's all a lot for someone you've only met in person once. Though I'm sad he didn't tell me the whole situation, I can't really blame him. I might have done the same thing. I sort of am doing the same thing right now, withholding information from him out of fear that it's too early to share a burden like that.
I go back and forth with myself, wrestling over whether or not to tell him. Eventually, I decide to wait. I don't want it to seem like I'm taking over his grieving with my own sob story.
"You don't have to explain it; I understand now. I appreciate you sharing that with me." I run my thumb over his cheek and cup the side of his face. He leans into my touch, and it breaks my heart.
This man deserves the world and to have his heart protected. I’m not sure if I’m capable of giving him that.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
LOUISA
Despite my doubts about whether or not I’m good for Sam, I can’t stay away from him. He started coming over after work on the weekdays, but when B is home, it’s hard to get privacy. So we started spending time at his house. I felt bad leaving Pepin home alone, so Sam insisted he come along.
Pepin loves Sam’s house. He has a fenced-in yard where he can trot around in the grass. He’ll be out there for hours, and when we check on him through the window, he’s usually napping in the flower bed.
As one can imagine, the landscaping in Sam’s yard is beautiful. The first time I caught Pepin in the flowers, I felt horrible. I ran out there and called him over. Sam just laughed at me and said a yard is meant to be enjoyed, and if Pepin enjoys napping in the flowers, then he’s glad they’re getting some good use. Sam is always sweet like that.
Pepin and Sam are besties. We take him on walks around Sam’s neighborhood, which are much better thanthe walks I used to do with him near the apartment. There are trails, trees, kids, and lots of other dogs for him to meet.
When I decide to spend the night at my apartment, Pepin is always so bummed to be going back. It makes me feel kind of bad that I had him cooped up in there for a whole year. But I don’t think he minded it until he knew what else was available to him.
Sam bought him a dog bed, food, and toys to keep at his house so we didn’t have to drag it all back and forth. Pepin feels right at home here, and so do I. It’s crazy to think that just a few weeks ago, I thought there was no way we would ever be together. And by a chance encounter, here we are.
I don’t believe in soul mates, and I don’t believe in fate. But those are the only ways I can describe how this happened. And if it truly was fate or we are soulmates, then this could be it. This is the happy ending.
But I can’t shake the feeling it’s not. I got lucky to find a guy like Sam in the first place. I was unlucky to lose him, but I got lucky running into him again. Now, I’m anxiously waiting for the other shoe to drop again. This time, I think it’s going to be me who messes things up. I’m afraid that telling Sam about my depression and what happened before my birthday will scare him away; I wouldn’t blame him.
A door slamming shut pulls me from my thoughts. I turn around and see Sam walking through the back door with Pepin. They were outside playing fetch while I was studying. I told Sam I failed the first exam, and since then, he has been really good about blocking out time for me to study, making sure I stick to it.
Of course, I’d much rather be outside with them, but I need to retake that exam so I can move on to the next one. I’m scheduled to take it next month.
“How’s the studying going?”
“It’s fine. Boring, but fine.”
He walks into the kitchen and gets himself a drink. His shirt is off, and his chest is glistening with sweat. Muscles flex as he tips the cup back to chug the water. I can’t get over how hot he is. I know I’m staring, but I don’t care. He’s mine, so I’ll stare all I want.
He sets the glass down and walks over to kiss me on the forehead. “You ready for our date tonight?”
A few days ago, Sam and I realized that we hadn’t actually been out on a real date since reconnecting. Sam took it upon himself to plan the entire evening, not letting me in on any part of it.
“Very! Can you finally tell me what we’re doing?”
He smirks. “Nope.” He looks over at the stove to check the time. “Only that it starts in an hour.”
I playfully punch him in the shoulder. “Jerk.”
He winks at me and heads to his room to shower. I follow him so I can start getting ready. I grab the dress I brought over and bring it to the guest bathroom. I need to do my makeup, and I can’t do it in his bathroom with foggy mirrors.
I hang my dress up and plop my makeup bag down. I crawl up onto the counter and sit cross-legged in front of the big mirror. I throw on some music and get to work.
I keep my makeup simple and clean. Sam always tells me that I look great without makeup, so I’m doing a no-makeup makeup look for him. After I finish, I straighten my hair and pin the shorter pieces that hang in the front behind my ears. It’s still warm out, so I picked a short floral dress and some short, chunky heels.
I zip up my dress and walk out to the living room to see if Sam is ready. According to the time he told me, we need to leave in five minutes, so he betterbe.
When I round the corner into the kitchen, I find him packing a cooler. He hears my heels and looks over at me.
“Damn. You look beautiful, Lou.”
