If she was meeting me for the first time, I doubt she’d give me a second glance.
If I’ve changed so much, I expect she has too. What does she look like now?Have the years been kind? Back then, she’d been every man’s wet dream, and it so happened I was the lucky fucker who took her home. Unwilling to lose her, I’d put a ring on her finger fast.
It hadn’t been long before everything soured. What’s the saying? Marry in haste, repent in leisure? It couldn’t be truer in my case.
But thinking over the mistakes of the past aren’t helping with anything practical now. Fuck it. In twenty-four hours, Britney will be back by my side, and she’ll be expecting her husband to provide. I haven’t thought of myself as a married man in a very long time.
Therein lies my first fucking problem. Neither does anyone else.
Fuck, shit and damnation.
Tangling my hands in my hair, I tighten my grip and pull hard as though another bite of pain is going to knock more sense into me. I can’t see beyond panicking right now. Blood’s rushing through my veins so fast it’s causing a buzzing in my ears.
Could I run?Start a new life somewhere where no one, let alone Britney, will ever find me?
Chances of that are fucking slim. The MC wouldn’t look kindly on one of their own taking off without explanation, and if they caught up with me, a wife would be the last of my worries. Leaving my brothers in the lurch would not be rewarded with a pat on the back. Red still views me with suspicion after the crap that went down with his kid, and I’m still not on solid ground. Christ. Is he going to see my omission as a lie to the club? I shudder as chills go down my spine.
I can’t lose the club. I can’t let Britney chase me away from the best thing that’s ever happened to me. This MC has done more for me than anyone I’ve ever known. It’s not just a club, it’s a brotherhood. I earned my way in with toil, sweat and blood and I’m not going to give it all up without a fight. I’m loyal to my club as, hopefully, overlooking my sometimes questionable behaviour, they are to me.
Except… I wince. I’ve kept a big fucking secret from everyone and now it’s all going to come out.
I don’t see it as a lie. I didn’t hold back the fact deliberately. Maybe it had been wishful thinking, but I’d never dreamed I’d hear from Britney again. I never thought for a moment she’d ever want to come back. I’d taken the message I’d thought she’d given to me and left her in my rearview. I’d lived the life of a single man because that’s who I believed I was.
It’s her who went incommunicado for seven fucking years.
Jesus.All I’m doing is standing here, literally pulling my hair out.Think, man, think.Giving myself a mental slap, I know where I’ve got to start. I’ve got to bite the bullet and go straight to the top. I’ve got to come clean to Prez.
Decision made, before I can have second thoughts and seriously start googling whether people run away to join the circus anymore, I stomp to my door, throw it open and walk out. My feet clang down the metal staircase, catching the attention of the prospect, Owl, who glances up, his eyes sharpening in case I need anything. I give him a dismissive wave and force my feet in the direction of Prez’s office.
So wound up and refusing to let myself think of any excuse to delay this moment, I throw open his office door after a perfunctory knock,thenbeat a hasty retreat. The vision I see for a split second seared on my eyeballs, of Red on his knees in front of his old lady.
“Get your ass in here,” Red’s voice thunders.
Gingerly, I turn the doorknob again and glance through the crack, peering cautiously between my fingers, having no desire to see my prez’s naked ass. I note that Red hasn’t moved, but I also see what I hadn’t noticed before, that both are fully clothed. Red gives a glance behind him, grins widely, then turns back. After placing a kiss to his wife’s rounded stomach, he slowly gets to his feet.
He lays his hand against Cher’s cheek and gazes into her eyes with such love that although I might not be interrupting an intimate sexual moment, I feel as great an intruder at the emotional connection between them.
Rising on tiptoe, she kisses his lips. “I’ll let you know if he starts moving again.”
“Do that,” Red says softly. “This time, I want to be here for everything.”
I shouldn’t be witnessing an example of a happy family unit when I’ve none of my own and don’t expect to. The blessing for Britney and me was that we never had kids. Red, though, already has one he didn’t know about until the kid was fifteen, through no fault of his or Cher’s, and now another’s on the way and, if my recollection is right, should be here in about four months. No wonder he’s determined to be involved for the birth of this child.
Even while I’m wondering if I can use their moment as an excuse to delay this meeting, my brain glues my feet to the floor. I have no alternative. I’m racing against time and much as I want it to, ignoring my problem is not going to make it disappear.
Red’s eyes are soft as they follow his woman out of the door, but harden when they land on me, swapping from loving husband to MC prez in an instant.
“Whatcha need?” He waves me to a seat in front of his desk and takes his chair behind it.
I sit, then clasp my hands between my knees, thinking perhaps I should have taken a moment to decide on the story that puts me in the best light without just diving in. I’m already on shaky ground with Red for my past behaviour.
Red sits back, linking his hands behind his head. He gives me a moment, then getting impatient, he narrows his eyes and prompts, “Everything okay with RoseLyn?”
For a second, I don’t know what he’s talking about. Since speaking to Britney, everything else has been wiped from my mind. Quickly, I pull myself together and shrug. I haven’t hidden that I don’t one hundred percent believe her, and don’t want him thinking I’ve rocked the boat.
“All’s fine on that front.” For a second, I wonder whether she’s made a complaint about me. But apart from not mollycoddling her, I’ve done my job well enough. Thinking about the prima donna makes my mouth twist.
He snorts. “You can’t hide your fuckin’ dislike for her.” Giving a chuckle, he adds, “But at least it means I don’t have to worry about you tapping that.”
