Page 89 of To Hell With It
‘It’s a quick fix but it won’t take away how you feel, you know that. So, tell me again,how do youfeel?’
I took a deep breath.
‘I feel fucking pissed off is how I feel, Mairéad.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’ve given myself a heart attack with the stress of it all, for a bloke that has a fiancée – who’s feckin’ stunning by the way – and now I’m stuck out here like an eejit, wondering how the hell I am going to get myself home. That is how I feel.’
‘How would you feel if you didn’t come home?’
‘I don’t know because I am coming home.’
‘Can I ask you a question, Pearl?’Which meant she was going to ask me one whether I liked it or not. ‘Would you feel differently if Jack had never been in the picture, if you’d gone out there for a holiday – would you be coming home early then?’
‘No, of course not, but I wouldn’t have come out here for a holiday and I did come to see Jack.’
‘But you could turn it into a holiday, a holiday for yourself. You could visit some ofThe Lord of The Ringslocations?’
‘I don’t think I can do any more on my own,’ I said defeated. I should be with Jack now, having a BBQ on the beach.’
‘You’re already doing it on your own, Pearl.’
‘What if something bad happens?’
‘What if it doesn’t?’
‘But what if it does?’
‘But what if it doesn’t?’
‘Bloody hell, Mairéad.’
‘Bloody hell, Pearl.’
‘Ugh. I can’t do it. I just need to come home.’ I huffed like the child that I felt I still was.
‘OK, let me put this to you,’ Mairéad said cautiously. ‘If you come home early you will never know how things might have been, but if you stay you will. I could set you some challenges, like we do in our sessions. It’ll be a change of scenery from leaving your house to the shop, the salon and the supermarket. Are you up for it?’
‘No.’
‘Pearl, if you’re not going to try to make some changes then what is the point of all of this? What is the point of our sessions? Someone else who is desperate for therapy could have your sessions.’ I wasn’t sure if it was reverse psychology or if Mairéad really meant that she would give my sessions to someone else.
‘Being out there could actually really benefit you,’ she continued before I could work it out. ‘And all this stuff with Jack, as awful as it might feel now, could actually help you. You could turn it all around, Pearl. Not Jack, not me,you.’
‘I can’t make you any promises,’ I whispered.
‘I never ask for promises. Let me put something together and I’ll text it over straight away, OK?’
‘OK,’ I agreed before I could change my mind. What the hell was I doing? This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t how it was meant to be.
‘Pearl?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well done.’ Mairéad smiled.
And her kind eyes lit up in a way I’d never seen before.
