Page 12 of To Hell With It
I placed my phone down on the side.
‘Fine, I’m fine thanks.’ I could hear my own voice as it sped up. ‘Actually, it’s awkward, I wasn’t sure… I saw my clothes, and you, yours…’ I glanced down at his crotch as if the gesture would fill in the blanks. ‘Did we, did we, I mean, was it…’
‘Did we fuck each other?’ His grin widened and I felt my cheeks burn.
‘I can’t remember.’ I paused. ‘Did we?’
‘No, don’t worry, we didn’t,’ he said. ‘I just always sleep naked.’
I let out a breath.
‘OK, great, I mean, that’s good. Not that I wouldn’t want to, I mean I would, you’re um, you’re gorgeous, it’s just I don’t make a habit of sleeping with strangers.’
‘I don’t either.’ He laughed. ‘Although I’m not sure we’re strangers now.’ He grinned again. ‘I feel like I know you a bit more intimately than that.’
My heart stopped.
‘Did we do other stuff?’
‘I didn’t.’
‘Did I…?’
He smirked.
A flash of intrusive thoughts moved through my mind. Had I given him a blow job? A hand job? Or something else? Something anal? I’d never gone near a man’s arse before in my life. Jesus.
‘Anyway, I’m sure he’s forgiven you.’
‘Who?’ I asked but I think deep down I already knew who.
‘The Lord,’ he said. ‘At least he should have done the number of times you said his prayer.’
And right then, I died. I died and I did not go to heaven.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said because what else could I say? I couldn’t hide or run away. I couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened when it had happened right in front of him. Jesus, I would never drink again.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said. ‘If you do it again tonight, I’ll just leave you to it.’
‘Tonight?’
‘If that’s still OK?’
‘If what’s still OK?’ I had no idea what he meant.
‘It’ll only be a couple of nights and I’ll be out of your way.’
‘What will be? Sorry, what are you talking about?’
‘Your spare room, you offered it to me last night, remember? Well, you actually offered meyourroom.’ He chuckled and my heart literally stopped. ‘But I think it’s a bit soon to move in together.’
I tried to think back. I tried to remember but there was nothing, just a hazy memory of Carmel shooting us daggers as we left and Una making a joke about a threesome just to piss her off. But that was it. That was as far as my memory stretched. Only there must have been more because I had woken up to a naked man in my bed who’d seen me on my hands and knees for all the wrong reasons.
In all my wildest dreams (and they weren’t particularly wild) I had never imagined I would have a total stranger stay in my house. I had never lived with anyone else, if I didn’t count my parents or Una when she stayed for a week after she’d broken up withShaun did everything but.
I had moved into my grandmother’s house, Anickuna Cottage, after she died. She was actually born there, in the front room, by the bay window while my great grandfather was in the kitchen drinking whisky. When he came in to meet her for the first time, he nodded, raised his glass and then left my great grandmother to clean up everything on her own. That was how things were back then. The men drank whisky and the women had babies by themselves.
I could never have afforded to buy my grandmother’s house, but my parents had gifted it to me because I think they knew I would have stayed living with them if they hadn’t. And the truth is I don’t think either of them could have taken much more.
