“What?” I ask, the chuckle in my tone becoming harder to suppress.
“This is serious.” He snorts, and I lose all sense of common decency.
“How the hell did you fake an orgasm if she had your stuff in her mouth?”
“My stuff?”
I double over, holding my stomach while my laughter wins. “I’m not saying the other word!”
“What? Cock? You can say cock, Wren.”
“Not when it pertains to you,” I sputter.
“Anyway, I told her to turn around, and I may have shot some lotion on her back and pretended to come.”
“You did what!?” I burst into laughter and fall back on the couch, gasping for air and turning completely red. “There’s no way.”
“I feel like a prick,” he grunts while pressing his palms into his eyes.
“Holy shit.” I can’t breathe.
“I should have just told her.”
“My stomach hurts!”
“I should have told her to pretend she didn’t have teeth.”
“Theodore!”
“This is a serious matter; stop laughing.” He places his hands on my shoulders and shakes me. “I’m going to hell.”
“Most likely.” I cackle.
“And I’m dragging you with me.”
“What? I’m a good girl. All good girls go to heaven.”
“I know the smut you read. The devil would look at your collection and blush.” He chuckles, and I flush while batting him away.
“I’m sorry that I read my porn like a fucking lady!”
“You and your spicy books are going to hell with me.”
I squeal when he flips me onto my back, tickling my sides while beaming down at me. “At least I never faked an orgasm.”
“Oh, you haven’t? Not even with that one guy? What was his name again?”
Before he can continue, I press my finger against his lips to shush him. “We don’t talk about ‘him.’”
“Who? Branden?”
Lurching forward, I aim to push him, but he captures my hands in his, and we playfully fight back and forth, trying to push the other down.
“You were always complaining about his lack of skills in the bedroom. Are you telling me you never faked it? Not once?”
Branden Carson was my first official boyfriend. I met him during my first year of college, and we dated for a year. He took my virginity, and he was sweet about it. He asked how I was and took care of me afterward. I knew my first time would be painful, but when it didn’t get better, I went to the one person I knew had the most experience.
Mistake number one.
