Page 48 of Someone Save My Midlife Tonight
“Okay people, before I share the conversation that I had with Jimmy George Carrots, I want you to get me up to speed on what happened here in the past four days, please,” I said and then gasped as I watched Alana Catherine get up and start toddling around the coffee table. She was grinning at me likeshe’d brokered world peace. It was insane. She shouldn’t be able to walk at her age… but she was furniture surfing like a champ. Hell, she shouldn’t have been able to talk either, but she’d imparted some pretty spot-on wisdom lately.
My eyes watered as she let go of the coffee table and took several steps without any assistance.
“That happened,” Gideon said, pointing at our little miracle and smiling so hard his cheeks had to hurt.
“It happened while I was mind-diving?”
Gideon nodded, then gave me a sympathetic look filled with love and understanding. “There will be a lot more firsts to see.”
“It’s okay.” I smiled at him. I was only a little upset that I’d missed her first steps but was thrilled that Gideon got to witness it. I had done my job and dove into the silly seer. I might have missed my daughter’s first steps, but I’d discovered the road map of how to keep her safe from the Higher Power for the rest of time. It was a trade I could live with.
“I’m not sure anything can top that,” I said with a laugh. “But tell me what else went on.”
“I got something,” Jennifer said, grinning like a fool.
Oh yes,” June said, clasping her hands together. “Tell Daisy. She’ll love it!”
Jennifer dunked a cookie in her wine and then let it rip. “Tim and Charlie helped me sign up on one of them DNA ancestry sites,” she explained. “I’ve got a real good feelin’ I’m about to find my pappy!”
I smiled outwardly, but winced internally. Jennifer might look fifty, but she was sixty-five. There was a good chance he wasn’t alive anymore. For her sake, I hoped he was.
“We’ve got some bets going,” she added with a cackle as she popped the wine-soaked cookie into her mouth then promptlyspit it back out into a napkin. “That combo does not work, kids. Don’t try it at home.”
“Got it,” I said with a grin. “What’s the bet?”
Gram got into the game. “We’re all throwin’ our guesses into a hat about who Jennifer’s pappy might be. I guessed Bob Barker!”
“Of course, you did,” I told her.
“I’m thinking Walter Cronkite,” Jennifer volunteered with a wink. “But I’m hopin’ it’s Elvis. He’s a southern boy. There’s a two percent chance he might have visited Georgia and banged my momma.”
“You never know,” June said with a giggle.
“You got that right, June,” Jennifer said. “I’m gettin’ the results later today!”
“I guessed David Hasselhoff,” Shitty Ritchie bellowed. “The Knight Rider and an excellent crooner.”
“I hate to break it to you, little dude, but David Hasselhoff is only a few years older than Jennifer,” I informed him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he huffed. “I plan to win!”
“Good luck with that, shart stain,” Candy Vargo told him.
Gideon pressed his temples and closed his eyes. The gals… and Shitty Ritchie were too much for him sometimes.
“Anything else?” I asked.
Zander spoke up. “The foster kids are doing wonderfully along with Missy and Amelia. Rafe and the gang have it well covered.”
“True that,” Catriona agreed with a smile and then sobered up quick. “However, I must say I’m blown away that the Higher Power has been reanimating the dead. That’s screwed up and every kind of illegal.”
“Punishable by death,” Heatherreminded everyone.
I held up a hand. “We’ll get to that soon enough.”
The gasps were loud. I didn’t blame them. I’d now confused and probably terrified everyone in the room. I was iffy myself, but since there was no third part of the trinity yet, death for the Higher Power would have to wait… hopefully a very long time.
Shitty Ritchie raised his hand. I considered not calling on him, but decided against it. Honestly, it didn’t matter if I ignored the turd. When he wanted to talk, he talked.
