Page 45 of Someone Save My Midlife Tonight
I was getting confused. My mind was jumbled.
“Stop thinking, Daisy,” Jimmy George Carrots encouraged. “When I ask a question, don’t think about it. Go with the first thing that comes to mind. Often the answer is there.”
“Ask me again,” I said. “Clearing out my overactive brain right now.”
He chuckled. “Talk to me about how the Immortals could use the concept of the Holy Trinity.”
“We replace the wretched piece of shit in charge with three beings who can work together while keeping each other honest with checks and balances. The three people who were destined to have the job. That’s how it’s similar to the Holy Trinity.”
“Precisely. Three.”
My gut clenched and I lurched forward in pain as part of the puzzle clicked together. Jimmy George Carrots’ words blasted through my frontal lobe. I saw it in front of me as if it were happening now—Baaaaaaabeeeeey! Soooooo preeettyah. Threeeeeeeeeee!” he’d said.
I had smiled and corrected the silly ghost. I’d thought he’d been talking about her age. I’d been wrong “Actually, she’s not even one yet,” I had told the ghost.
He had shaken his head vehemently. “Onnnnnneah offfffffffff threeeeeeee!”
His statement had hit me as strange at the time. Now it made me want to scream with the injustice of it.
Letting go of my anger and fear, I stared at theman who I’d travelled to the Darkness with. He’d been telling me all along. I hadn’t understood then and I didn’t want to understand now.
But there was no choice. Destiny was set. We all were who we were meant to be.
“I believe that I know who two of the three are,” I whispered. “That’s what you’ve been trying to tell me.”
“It is,” he said.
I began to pace in a tight circle. It was insane, but it made sense. The Higher Power had been trying to end Shitty Ritchie since the beginning. And now… and now there was a second like him—one with multiple powers that mimicked the power that usually was assigned to only one—and it was my daughter. Two of the three of the trinity had been revealed. The Higher Power saw the writing on the wall and wanted to erase it before any could read it. There were so many problems, though. “Alana Catherine is a baby,” I cried out. “Shitty Ritchie is a freaking cannibal. That isn’t a great combo. And who in the heck is the third? June? Jennifer? They’re human. That doesn’t compute.” My voice sounded hysterical to my own ears. That was about right since I was considering peeling my own skin off my body right now.
“Daisy,” Jimmy George Carrots said, putting his hands on my shoulders to calm me down. “You were a fully human Death Counselor until you dove into the minds of the dead. You changed your DNA. You’re Immortal now.”
“Holy hell. So, I just start dragging June or Jennifer into the minds of the dead?” I choked out. “Not sure how well that’s gonna work. I might end up killing them. I already shoved June’s heart back into her chest once. I really don’t want to do that again. Ever. June has grandkids. Being the Higher Power isn’t going to jive with that. She also makes cookies. I can’t live without her cookies.” I knew I was freaking the fuck out, but he’d suggested I say the first thing that came to mind. I’d gone there and then some. “And Jennifer? She’s afabulous high-functioning alcoholic with a ton of Botox and filler. She couldn’t even move her face for a couple of months because she got a double dose. She’s had a ghost go through her, but taking her on a field trip into someone’s mind doesn’t sound like it’s going to end well.”
The expression on Jimmy George Carrots’ face was one of complete confusion. If I hadn’t been about to drop to my knees and sob, I would have laughed.
“Daisy, you are not in charge of making anyone who they already are. Don’t forget destiny has already been set. The third will step forward when the time is right,” he promised.
“God,” I said, wildly embarrassed. “I just sounded like I had a major God complex.”
“Happens to the best of us,” Jimmy George Carrots said, wrapping me in a comforting hug.
“Tell me this… if you can,” I said, hugging him back. “Is our job to keep Shitty Ritchie and Alana Catherine safe until the time comes? You know, when the third of the trinity is revealed?”
“I believe so,” he said, stepping back and smiling. “I have not seen more than that.”
“Will I know it when the third arrives?”
He nodded. “You will.”
“How can Gideon and I help Alana Catherine?”
“Love her,” Jimmy George Carrots said. “Love her with all of your heart.”
That we could do.
“Oh, do you happen to know how long the sparkly skin is going to last?”
Jimmy George Carrots laughed. “One week.”
