Page 141 of Pucking Rebound
“Semantics,” I counter.
She looks up at me with a piercing look. “Are you mad at me? Because if you are, I can’t take any more drama tonight, Jordy.”
Am I mad? Yes. A little. I wish she had trusted me to tell me who she was Wade’s little sister.
Scared I’m going to lose her? Absolutely.
Maybe if she had told the truth in the beginning, we never would have agreed to this thing between us.
Whatever this is now. It’s grown roots, and it’s so much more than it was. More than I hoped for.
I feel the weight of her sorrow when she says, “I’ve had two of the shittiest days of my life, and quite frankly the last twelve months haven’t been that great either. So, if you’re mad at me for not telling you I was Wade’s sister, can you save it for now, please? I needed to come here tonight to see you. One last time.”
One last time?
I already know how this is going to end.
I can feel the walls closing in on us and there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it.
“Please don’t say that. I’m here for you. I will always be here for you. Don’t shut me out.” I brush her hair off her face.
“How can this be more though, Jordy? We both knew this was never going to last. You’re a hockey player for the team I work, I mean, worked for?” She corrects herself. “I won’t continue to be employed by them, and I don’t know what’s happening with me and Wade. And what started as a rebound thing between us turned into something different. We meet in secret and that’s all there is to us.”
She’s talking shit.
We are so much more. We spend evenings together watching movies, she cooks for my sisters, she dances around my living room, singing at the top of her lungs. I know how she takes her coffee in the morning: one sugar and milky, but she’s been off coffee recently and has a cup of tea instead. I know the exact brand of toothpaste she uses because she has super sensitive teeth. I also know she’s allergic to shellfish and can’t eat eggs because they make her sick. She prefers winter over summer, she wants a big family—four kids, a house in the suburbs and three vacations every year to make memories. I know all of this because, between our hectic schedules, we share everything about our lives.
We are something.
We are everything.
She’s myeverything.
Dread swims through my stomach like a shark circling its prey. She’s going to fucking kill me if she calls time on us. “Don’t make any hasty decisions, Lola. You have a lot on your plate now. Please, promise me you won’t push me away.”
Do we have to tell Wade about us?
We meet in secret and that’s all there is to us.
Her words gnaw at my brain.
Fuck. She’s right. This is a bit complicated.
A lot complicated is more accurate.
Fear is not something I am familiar with, but I feel it deep in my bones, way down to the marrow.
“We’ve been naïve, Jordy.”
We have. How long did we seriously think this would last?
“I don’t want us to end,” I confess, the words catching in my throat.
“Neither do I, but I need to focus on Wade to salvage whatever is left of my family and the relationship I have with him. I want to go home and wait for him. Kali is broken, Jordy. I need to be there for her, and I can’t deal with whatever this is. It’s too much.”
Too much, and yetI’mnot enough.
“We are…” She motions to the space between us.
