Page 171 of Darling Obsession
“Yeah. I guess.”
“So why didn’t you just tell everyone about the baby when they were here? Graysen’s going to be so excited.”
“Graysen doesn’t get excited.”
“Over this, he will. Why didn’t you tell us all together?”
“Because I don’t know what I’m doing, Savannah,” I admit, frustrated. “Quinn is pissed at me every other day, and she has reason to be.”
“I take it she isn’t living here with you?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because she doesn’t want to.”
“But why?”
“Because,” I growl, “look at me. How do I be a good father when my relationship with my own father was so messed up?”
I twitch uncomfortably in the long silence that follows that, as my sister studies me. I’m spelling with my fingernail on the arm of the chair, incessantly. That old standby,BEAUTIFUL. I don’t even know when I started doing it.
Finally, Savannah says, “So that’s it. You’re afraid of being a father. Or rather, being a shitty one.”
“That’s a big ‘it,’ Savi.”
She does that dismissive thing in the air with her hand. “None of that matters. I know you, Harlan. Possibly better than any other human on earth. We already lost Dad. And I know that in some ways, you lost him most, before he even died. Are you seriously going to allow yourself to lose the chance to be the father you always wanted?”
“I’m tryingnotto lose anything,” I argue.
“Then succeed. You’re capable of way more than you think when it comes to this stuff.”
“But how do you know that? I’ve never had someone who needed me before. Chelsea didn’t need me. She needed something I couldn’t give her, so she went and got it from someone else. That’s the truth.”
“No, what she did was she cheated on you and got knocked up by someone else. Don’t make that your fault.”
“Maybe it was. At least partly.”
“Well, Quinn is havingyourbaby, right? And maybe she loves you, or will love you. Don’t you think you’re ready for that? I mean, isn’t it about time?”
I don’t even know what to say to that, except “I don’t know.”
“Well, when is the baby due?”
“Six months,” I say tightly.
“Okay. So, in six months, ready or not, you’re going to be a father. Which means you need to step up. Like, yesterday.”
“I am stepping up. Quinn and the baby will have everything they need.”
“Sure.” She reaches over and presses a hand gently to my chest, right over my heart. “Exceptthis.”
I’m up late that night, lying on the sofa. Drinking Manhattans and watching Darla the cat sleep in the next room.
When I finally nod off, I dream.
I’m having sex with Quinn on the sofa.
