Page 71 of Rival for Rent
“And again, I ask—why is that a bad thing?”
I didn’t have a good answer for that. Not one I could give without revealing a whole lot more than I was ready to. So instead, I asked, “Did you always know you were bi?”
Amir blinked at the sudden shift but answered smoothly. “Since I was seven. I saw two men holding hands at the swimming pool and asked my mom what that meant. She told me they were probably gay or bisexual, but that the important thing was that they loved each other like she and my dad loved each other. That obviously led to seven-year-old me needing to know what both those words meant, whereupon I mulled it over for the rest of the day and informed my parents at breakfast the next morning that I was bisexual, because I liked men and women too.”
“Whoa,” I said. “That’s a big word for a seven-year-old.”
Amir grinned. “I was always precocious. And honestly, I had my first crush on a boy in preschool. I just didn’t know what to call it until a few years later.”
“How did your parents react?”
“My mom laughed and said it was fine if I was bi, but I should stick to kids my own age. My dad said I wasn’t allowed to kiss anybody—boys or girls or otherwise—until I was sixteen.”
That hit me harder than I expected. Not because they were great or terrible reactions, but because I couldn’t imagine having that kind of conversation with my parents. Dana and I didn’t have abadchildhood, exactly, but we were poor. Our parents worked constantly. They were exhausted, cranky, quick to anger. We spent a lot of time alone. When they were home, it wasn’t warmth and laughter—it was tension and fatigue.
The only times I really remembered getting their full attention were when our report cards came in—mostly because mine were always worse than Dana’s. I learned early on to nod at the right moments, say the right things, and wall myself off. Picture myself as a fortress. Strong. Impenetrable. Let their words bounce off the walls I built inside.
“Do you think you’re bi?” Amir asked when I didn’t say anything. “Or gay?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think I’m gay. I’ve liked too many women in the past—enjoyed hooking up with them too. But I could be bi? Or something?”
I looked at Amir, hoping he’d have some magic label to offer that would make it all make sense. But he just shrugged.
“At least you’re not freaking out about it. No offense, but I kind of thought you would be.”
“I don’t have time to freak out about it,” I said. “My job is to keep Kai safe. Everything else has to take a back seat to that.”
“And where does your relationship with Kai fall in that hierarchy?”
“It’s not a relationship,” I said. “It’s… I don’t even know what it is.”
“I suggest you figure it out soon,” Amir said. “And that you make the right decision.”
“Which is?”
He smiled. “I like you, Mason. I’d hate to have to stop liking you. But I’ve known Kai longer. And if you hurt him—well, you and I can bench press the same weight, but I’ve got the advantage right now, with your broken rib. So keep that in mind.”
With that, he stood and walked out the door.
I leaned my head back on the pillows, closed my eyes, and tried to figure out how the hell to get out of the mess I was in. Kai liked me? You could’ve fooled me. The guy seemed to hate me most of the time.
I mean, not today. Today he’d been weirdly nice to me—especially when I didn’t deserve it. And, okay, maybe not only today. If I were being honest with myself, he’d been softening for a while now. If bullying me into sleeping counted as softening. And maybe—maybe—it had started even before that. Since the cocktail party. Maybe earlier. Maybe I’d had my head too far up my ass to notice.
No matter what Amir thought, the issue wasn’t that I didn’t return Kai’s feelings. The issue was that I did. But I had the emotional availability of a damp basement, and no right to ask Kai for anything.
“Are you actually asleep,” he said from the doorway, “or are you plotting your revenge for us not letting you do the dishes?”
My eyes snapped open. Kai was leaning against the doorframe, smirking.
“If I were plotting my revenge, I wouldn’t be very likely to tell you, would I?” I said.
He wrinkled his nose, then laughed. “Fair point. I guess I’ll have to keep looking over my shoulder.”
He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “But if you’re willing to take a break from plotting for a minute, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Oh, shit.
Had Amir said something?
