Page 26 of Beautifully Reckless
“Yes.” He nods, his gaze dropping to his hands, his fingers clasped so tightly I can see his knuckles turning white.
“She was happy about the pregnancy for about five fucking minutes before she realised how it would affect the lifestyle she lived.”
“How so?” I ask, and those whiskey eyes lift to meet mine again.
“She had to quit using.”
Using?
Oh.
“Drugs?” I ask, just to confirm and he gives me a sharp nod.
“Meth. Coke. When I met her, she just indulged during the occasional party, but somewhere along the way, while I was out on runs, her partying never stopped.” He holds my gaze as he speaks, his voice flat, like he’s forcing himself not to feel the weight of it.
“I dragged her to rehab three times before she fell pregnant. We’d already broken up, but then one night, I hit the whiskey too hard and woke up with her back in my bed.” He clenches his jaw. “I’m a fucking idiot for taking her back, but she claimed to be clean. She seemed better. So I gave her the benefit of the doubt.”
He looks away then, breaking our connection, and I hate it.
I could drown in his eyes.
I know I shouldn’t think like that, but I’m not strong enough to deny how he makes me feel.
Admitting it and acting on it are two different things, though.
“Kylie fell pregnant that night.” His voice grows quieter. “We didn’t find out for a while. By then, I’d already booted her to the curb again because she loved lines of coke more than, well,anything. But when she came crying to me, showing me the positive pregnancy test… fuck, I dunno. It changed something inside me.”
His dark gaze returns to mine then, and I don’t just hear the truth in his words.
I feel it.
“You wanted the baby?” I ask and he nods.
“I wanted the baby. I wanted to be a dad. I wanted to leave the MC, live a simple life with my ma and my sisters. I wanted to do something good for once.”
His shoulders tense before he shrugs, like he’s trying to play it off, but his voice betrays him.
“I had it in my head that even though I couldn’t be a good big brother to Muz, that perhaps, I could be a great dad to my baby.”
My stomach twists and dread begins to settle heavily in my gut.
The fact that I didn’t see a kid around the club… The fact he’s never spoken of one, has me pausing.
Because that can only mean one thing, right?
My voice drops to a whisper.
“What happened?”
I lean forward without realising it, and Ringo takes advantage of my nearness, weaving his fingers with mine.
We’re not really holding hands, but we are connected. Our skin is touching, fingers intertwined at the tips. I should probably pull away, but I just can’t make myself do it.
I’ve missed his touch.
I’ve missed him.
“Kylie couldn’t lay off the gear.” Ringo’s voice cracks a little as he answers my question. “She was skin and bones, much likeyou’d been when I stole you. Only, her malnourishment wasn’t because she was locked away or denied food. It was because she barely ate and pumped her body full of chemicals to stay high.”
