Page 63 of Himbo Hitman
I’ve never acted on it. Never had it come on so strongly that Iwantedto act on it, but with St. Clare, knowing that he’s available and would potentially want that is giving me thoughts I’ve never thought before.
The last time I had this reaction to someone, it was one of the dads at a kid’s birthday party I was working. He snuck away for a joint, and when I stumbled upon him, we shared that joint between us, him holding it to his lips and then to mine, progressively standing closer and closer before he cuffed me on the shoulder of my Trolls costume and disappeared back into the house.
He gave off asshole vibes. We didn’t speak a word. I was able to shake off the burning lust easily and get on with my day like nothing had happened.
But I don’t even smoke weed—my mom would have killed me—just like I don’t usually get all tongue-tied around men and draw smiley faces on their cups.
I’d thought St. Clare was going to kiss me andmoved closer.
I’d thought he was going to kiss me, and now I’mdisappointedthat he didn’t.
Huh.
Maybe this whole thing is supposed to be my journey of self-discovery. Forget the madmen with guns—myself included—all these events were purely meant to bring me and St. Clare together. The universe is a wild and wonderful thing.
At this point, I need a silver lining, and I’m clinging to it.
The sound of the shower reaches me from down the hall, and I’m struck by a sudden thought.
St. Clare is naked.
Totally naked.
Not very far away.
He fills out those suits, and his shoulder felt nice under my hand earlier, so I can’t stop my thoughts from straying to how muscular he is. I’m a big guy, mostly due to my natural state of desperate survival and fast metabolism, but his muscles are different. Gym built, I’d say. Nothing like Lars, but as I sit there, filling in the blanks and trying to remember what his body looked like the night we met, my cock gives a little tug of impatience.
I’ve been hard since he was sitting next to me, and I wonder if he was the same. I wonder if he’s in the shower right now, water streaming over his front, hand wrapped around his dick.
I groan and press down on my groin. No matter how flirty and good-looking he is, I can resist this. It’s not hard. I do it a lot.
Margot came out when she first started high school, so it’s not like I’m ashamed of these feelings. It’s more complicated than that. I’m one part convinced it’s all in my head and doesn’t count if I’ve never been with a man, and the other part doesn’t want to … like … encroach on Margot’s space. I take so much from her that ifI’mqueer too, it’s another thing she has to share with her ridiculous little brother. She had a hard time being herself in high school, but she did it anyway, whereas I was too focused on keeping my position on the football team to let myself think of anything else.
Margot had to do the hard yards.
I got to hide.
Suddenly deciding that I want to kiss a guy and then just doing it feels like a slap to the face of all of that.
Or maybe I’m confused.
It’s not a stretch for me. I’m confused about ninety percent of my life that being confused about this, too, checks out. If I’m still making this many excuses to ignore my attraction, then I’m probably not ready for it, am I?
Before I can get answers to any of my questions, the front door clicks open and Lars walks in, those melon-smuggling arms full of bags.
That are probably full of food.
I perk up. “What did you end up getting? You left too fast for me to put an order in.”
“I’ll add that to my list of life regrets.”
“I appreciate it.”
Lars almost smiles as he dumps the bags onto the kitchen counter. “Got this for you.”
I watch as he reaches into one of the bags and pulls out a T-shirt that he throws at my chest. I catch it and then hold it out to see the front. It’s a puppy with floppy ears, big eyes, and a goofy expression. Underneath the image are the words “Friends fur-ever!”
It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. “You do love me!”
