Page 123 of Himbo Hitman
It doesn’t surprise me that Lars has tried. I rest my forehead against his shoulder. “You need to shower.”
“Nope.”
“You stink.”
“I’d rather stink than walk out and find you dead.”
Slowly, I ease away from him. “It still doesn’t feel real. I’m no one important. It’s like … does he really hate usthatmuch? Why?”
“Money makes people do wild things.” Lars drops onto the log, and I let out something that’s been haunting me all day.
“I think I’m scared that Perry might be right. About Colin.”
That shocks the hell out of him. “What?”
“What the hell else am I supposed to think?”
“He’s yourbrother.”
“Iknowhe’s my brother, but none of this makes any sense, and I’ve reached the point where nothing will surprise me anymore.” The looming woods stare back at me. Intimidating me.
“Sticking your head in the sand won’t change anything. And for what it’s worth, that’s not Colin. Everything is strange, but he’s not the kind of guy to fuck you over.”
“On purpose,” I add.
“Yeah. That.” Lars takes a deep breath, night starting to set in. “We’re getting somewhere. I can feel it.”
I wish I could.
Instead, I’m flailing further from answers than ever.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
PERRY
It takes a while,but it’s really not that hard. I follow Yanni for most of the day, watching where he goes and who he goes with, hoping to catch a moment where he ducks off to the bathroom alone or something and I can threaten him over a urinal.
But either the guy doesn’t piss, or he’s some kind of super-paranoid Mob boss because he doesn’t leave the guys he’s with once. I’m assuming they’re some kind of security, but if they are, they’re pretty shit at their job—and that’s coming from me! I’ve had approximately seventy chances to pop him through the head, and they’re very lucky that this guy is more important to me alive than dead.
I pace across the low roof of the CVS next door to Yanni’s club. Like Saint Clare’s, they have a small courtyard behind their building, only this one isn’t as clean, smells strongly of weed that barely overpowers the smell of dumpster, and has definitely seen a dead body or two in its day.
I pace back to the other side of the rooftop and lower into a crouch. My busy day of trailing this guy like a detective in a crime movie has eaten into my time and thoughts to the point that I’ve been sufficiently distracted from what I overheard earlier. But now, waiting on Yanni’s reply, all the things I pushed out of my brain are pushing back in.
No matter how much I remind myself that I’ve only known St. Clare for a short time and that the time we’ve had hasn’t always been great, it doesn’t make my heart hurt any less. He fills me with so many good, shivery feelings, and all I want when he’s around is to have his attention. I crave it. Need it. When it’s me and him, this burst of warmth fills me so completely that sometimes I think I’ve died because nothing on Earth could feel that good.
Just like I’m not so sure I’ve ever felt this bad.
Because all of that warmth was blinding me to the fact that they were using me.
I mean, fair, I’d probably use me too.
It’s not like my life is all that important, and arguably, Colin has done a lot more impressive things in roughly the same amount of time that I’ve been unimpressive, but maybe I haven’t peaked yet? Maybe I’d like the chance to be impressive. Not going to get that chance if I’m handed over to a crime lord, now am I?
Plus, if I’m traded for another guy—even St. Clare’s brother—I really will have to put a stop to the orgasms. A guy has to have some level of self-respect, and I think that’s the limit I have for myself. No more hot sex. No more having St. Clare look at me in that indulgent way, like he’s not sure if he wants to laugh or cry at my stupidity, no more getting to tug his body close and feel like it belongs.
I’d go back to being Perry. Kinda hopeless, usually useless, always a disappointment, and I bet once I finally get home again, Sir Squeakerton would have had enough of my shit and packed up and moved on too.
I bang the phone I bought earlier against the rooftop before I remember that I don’t need to do that anymore. It’s a trip to have a phone that turns right on by pushing a button and has access to the internet just, like, whenever I want it?
