Page 71 of The Equation of Us
“Relax,” she nudges my shoulder. “He didn’t mention you by name. Just said Dean was ‘getting some extra help’ from a ‘very dedicated tutor.’”
“Oh god,” I groan, heat flooding my face. “Kill me now.”
“In the library?” Sadie wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. “Gotta say, Shaw, I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I mutter, walking faster.
Sadie keeps pace easily. “Fine, don’t tell me the dirty details. But seriously, are you okay? This thing with Dean is getting… intense.”
The concern in her voice makes me slow down, my defensiveness fading. “I don’t know,” I admit. “It was supposed to be simple. Physical. No complications.”
“And now?”
“Now it’s…”
I trail off, unable to find the right words. How do I explain that what started as curiosity has become something I can’t seem to control? That Dean has somehow slipped past all my carefully constructed defenses? That I’m breaking my own rules, risking friendships, compromising values I thought were unshakeable?
“I think I’m in trouble, Sadie,” I finally say.
She loops her arm through mine, her usual teasing manner replaced by genuine concern. “Talk to me.”
We find a bench under one of the sprawling oaks that dot the campus, its new spring leaves casting dappled shadows. I tell her everything—well, not the explicit details, but the rest. Dean’s jealousy at the party, our increasingly frequent meetings, howhe opened up about Jesse, how Daphne confided in me about their breakup. How today wasn’t just embarrassing but a wake-up call.
“So what are you going to do?” she asks when I finish.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “The smart thing would be to end it.”
“Smart doesn’t always mean right,” Sadie observes.
“What?”
“I’ve known you for what, three years now?” She turns to face me fully. “And in all that time, I’ve never seen you this… alive. Before Dean, everything was schedules and plans and control. You’ve been so afraid of getting hurt that you never let yourself really feel anything.”
I start to protest, but she raises a hand. “Let me finish. This thing with Dean? It scares you because it’s real. Because for once, you’re not just going through the motions. You’re actually investing yourself.”
Her words hit uncomfortably close to home. “That doesn’t make it right,” I argue weakly. “Daphne—”
“Is happily dating James,” Sadie interrupts. “Has been for weeks. And correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t she break up with Dean? Multiple times?”
“Yes, but—”
“But what? Girl code? Some arbitrary rule that says you can’t date someone your friend dated?” She shakes her head. “Life’s too short for that bullshit, Nora. Especially when you’ve found someone who actually gets you.”
I sink back against the bench, letting her words sink in. “When did you get so wise?”
“I’ve always been wise,” she says with a grin. “You’ve just been too busy alphabetizing your spice rack to notice.”
“I don’t alphabetize my—” I catch her expression and laugh despite myself. “Fine. Point taken.”
We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, watching students cross the quad in the golden afternoon light. The campus feels different somehow—softer, more vibrant, filled with possibilities I hadn’t allowed myself to consider before.
“So,” Sadie says finally. “Dean’s place at 9, huh?”
I shoot her a look. “How did you—”
“Your phone screen was facing up when you checked it earlier.” She grins unapologetically. “What are you going to wear?”
“I haven’t even decided if I’m going,” I protest.
