Page 40 of The Equation of Us
The athlete dining hall is crowded this time of day, the noise level hovering just below headache-inducing. Most tables are occupied by groups—the swim team by the windows, women’s soccer near the entrance, our hockey teammates scattered throughout. Gavin and I claimed our usual corner spot, slightly removed from the chaos.
It’s part of our routine—Thursday lunch between strength training and afternoon classes. Usually, I appreciate thepredictability, the structure. Today, I’m finding it hard to focus on anything except the hours ticking by until tonight.
Nora. In my apartment. Again.
The memory of our last time together surfaces unbidden—her on her knees, looking up at me with those clear, intelligent eyes. The way she responded to my commands, not with meek submission but with an eager curiosity that made something crack open in my chest.
“Hello? Earth to Carter?” Gavin waves a hand in front of my face. “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”
I blink, refocusing. “Sorry. What?”
“I asked if you’re coming to Stevens’ party Friday night.” He narrows his eyes. “What’s going on with you lately? You’re even more spacey than usual.”
“Nothing. Just thinking about the biometric sensors for my project.” The lie comes easily. “Whitman thinks we need to recalibrate.”
It’s safer than admitting I’ve been thinking about how Nora looks on her knees, how she sounds when she comes, how her analytical mind surrenders to sensation under my hands.
“If you say so.” Gavin takes an enormous bite of garlic bread. “But you’re coming Friday. Doctor’s orders. You need to socialize with actual humans occasionally.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“That means no.” He points his fork at me accusingly. “Come on, man. You’ve been a ghost since the Daphne thing. It’s been, what, a month?”
I shrug. “Something like that.”
“See? That’s not healthy. You need to get back out there. Meet people. Preferably people who are into monosyllabic responses and intense eye contact.”
I take a deliberate bite of my meal, chewing slowly to avoid responding. If Gavin knew what—who—I’ve actually been doing,he’d never let it go. It’s easier to let him think I’m still hung up on Daphne than to explain what’s happening with Nora.
Not that I could explain it if I wanted to. What Nora and I are doing doesn’t fit into easy categories.
“Oh, here we go,” Gavin mutters, his attention shifting to something over my shoulder. “Incoming at two o’clock.”
Before I can turn around, a female voice says, “Dean? Hi!”
I look up to see Ava Chen standing beside our table, holding a salad container and smiling brightly. I recognize her vaguely as being from the track team—one of Daphne’s wider social circle, though not a close friend.
“Hey,” I respond, not quite a question but definitely not an invitation.
She seems undeterred. “I heard you and Daphne broke up. That’s too bad.”
Gavin coughs into his drink, poorly disguising a laugh. I shoot him a warning look before turning back to Ava.
“Yeah. It happens.” I take another bite of my lunch, hoping my lack of engagement will end the conversation.
“Totally. Anyway, I was thinking maybe we could grab coffee sometime? I always thought your biomedical engineering focus was fascinating. I’d love to hear more about it.”
Her interest in biomedical engineering is about as genuine as the ‘cheese’ on the dining hall pizza. I can feel Gavin watching with amused interest, waiting to see how I’ll handle this.
“I appreciate the offer,” I say, keeping my voice neutral, “but I’m not looking to date right now. I’m focusing on the Archer Initiative application.”
Ava’s smile falters slightly. “Oh! I didn’t mean like a date. Just, you know, academic networking.”
“Right,” I say, not believing it for a second. “Still, my schedule’s pretty packed between hockey and research.”
“No worries!” Her smile resets to its previous brightness, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Maybe another time. Good luck with your application!”
She walks away with as much dignity as possible, joining a table of her friends who immediately bend their heads together in hushed conversation.
