Page 47 of Never Left You
Abi let out a long, loud sigh before she tilted her head and met my gaze. “I’m not mad, I’m just…” Shaking her head, her breath shook.
Her mind must still be reeling from last night, and from the looks of it, she didn’t sleep at all. Her eyes were heavy, puffy from crying, and the dark circles that had formed were weighing even on me. Her hair was hanging over her shoulder in a messy braid, and her hat sat lopsided on her head. She was wearing a Carhartt jacket, keeping her warm from the morning air, but easy to carry once the sun beat down on her. She was prepared for an entire day on the back of a horse to make her son smile.
I had the urge to pull her close to me, to take away everything that settled in her chest.
Without thinking, without even telling my body what to do, I took one large step and swooped her into my arms. Just like the other night, she was stiff, but once that first shaky breath left her lungs, she melted into me. The world stilled when her arms wrapped around my torso and she buried her face in my chest. It just felt right, having her in my arms.
I rested my chin on the top of her head. “He’s ok,” I reminded her.
“I was just so…scared,” She stammered. “Rhett was …terrified. He didn’t know what to do or what to say, and then we all left…it was dumb not to leave someone at the house…”
“Hey.” I gently touched her chin and pulled her up to look at me. “He’s fine, you did the best thing you could do. I’m just glad I was here, that he was smart enough to come to the barn.”
Abi nodded, her arms locking tighter around my waist. “Yeah, he’s…” She sniffed. “He’s a smart kid. He just was so damn worried about that horse.”
“He said he’s never going to ride again.”
Abi laughed then, and a smile escaped her lips. “Yeah, I’d like to see that happen. That boy loves that horse more than anything.”
I laughed with her, feeling the tension leave from her body. “He does.” I cupped her face in my palms for a moment, wiping away a tear that fell from her cheek. She inhaled, blinking once before she took a step away from me. Foolishly, I let my hands trail down her arms until our fingers brushed. The moment, as much as I didn’t want it to be, was over. I returned to Nova, reaching for the saddle blanket that was hanging over the stall. “You could have called me; I would have come out with you. That way your mom or Lachlan could have stayed behind.”
“I…” she started, her voice cracking. “I…”
I looked over at her, seeing the pinch in her brow as she was frozen in place, her eyes locked on me. Then, like before, she blinked.
“I must have forgot.” Abi let out a deep breath and finished cinching up the saddle. “I’ll go get us some water while you saddle up. Be right back?”
I nodded. “Yeah…I’ll be here.”
Fifteen
Abi
Myplanwassimple.Go find the damn horse. Not find yourself wrapped in Cash’s embrace, feel lighter because of it, and then go find the damn horse. Now here I was, riding on Twinkie next to Cash as we looked around the land for Marshmallow. I was angry. But I was calm. I was extremely frustrated. But I was…content? I was mad at Cash, yet I was happy he was here. I wanted to punch him in the face, but I wanted to be in his arms again.
Basically, I didn’t know what I wanted or what I felt.
You could have called me…
I did. I dialed his number three times, each time it rang and rang. It didn’t even go to voicemail. I sent a text but like the others I had sent, it went unanswered. So, either he had changed his number and he assumed I knew about it, or he was having fun playing off that he wasn’t getting my messages. Messing with me somehow.
When he said that I wanted to bite back that I had, but instead, I made up some excuse that I had forgotten. When, in fact, he was the only one I called. I didn’t know why I wanted him there, but next to finding Stetson, Cash was the only thing that traveled through my mind. I thought with him helping, with him there, I would have handled the situation better, instead of going batshit crazy and making everyone leave in a car or horse back to go find my son. The night could have turned out so much different if he were with me.
When I saw Stetson with him, my heart lifted a tiny bit. He was safe, with the one person I wanted to be safe with. I had to remind myself that he didn’t answer his phone, he wasn’t there for me, but hewasthere for Stetson. I couldn’t decide if I wanted the anger or the gratefulness. In the end I focused on what was really important: my son. He was more important than anything, so I did what I did best, and I was there for him.
Last night I lay with him close to me, my heart still racing, my mind on Cash.
Why did I want him so close to me all of a sudden?
Was it because of that hug? The first one in years? Because if I’m getting all flustered over a hug, then I really need to get my emotions in check, because I never—ever—would have had these thoughts about him before.
“Do you think he went to the lake to find water?” Cash asked, looking over his shoulder at me.
I kicked Twinkie to trot to catch up to him. “Maybe. We’re not that far from the lake. But there’s still snow around.”
“I say we hit up the lake and then follow the stream.”
I nodded. Good thing he was thinking logically. My brain was all mush. “Good plan.” I turned Twinkie, following towards the lake.
