Page 127 of Get Me to the Starting Line
“Alright, we’ll be right down.”
Paige pins me with a look and I have to roll my eyes. What a role reversal—herlecturingme. Then she’s off and it’s just the two of us.
“I better go get my bag.” He sounds different. I wish he would talk to me about whatever he’s feeling. Although, it’s not like I’ve been forthcoming with mine. He didn’t stay last night, which reminds me he could leave. For real. Forever.
He’s almost to the door, but my heart can’t take it.
“Julien, wait.”
He turns and catches me when I launch myself at him, my hands twisting in his hair as I kiss him with as much passion as I canin the few seconds we have.
When we break apart, we’re both breathing heavily. “Thank you for breakfast,” I whisper, stepping out of his hold. He’s as torn as I am. I feel it all over.
This man has torn me up inside.
But he’s being responsible, so he steps away and leaves. I don’t even think I would’ve minded missing my flight.
Thetriphomeispainful. In more ways than one.
My cock has been hard since Leah opened the door wearing the sheets we were tangled in the night before. Since that kiss.
Arousal and motion sickness is not a pleasant combination, but I suffer through. I want to go sit with Leah, but I take up way too much space and I don’t want to be sick all over her.
My pain worsens when I get back to my apartment and real life crashes into me. It must’ve crashed into Leah too. The whisper of trepidation that has lingered in the back of my mind returns in full force when she texts me.
Leah Harrison
I can’t do this to Levi if you aren’t staying
I read between the lines on that one. She can’t do this to herself either if I’m not staying.
I understand
Conflict rages through me. I’m so fucking in love with this woman it’s physically painful to be away from her. I can’t concentrate on anything when all I can think about is her.
Is she alright? How was Levi after the trip? How’s the brace research coming along? Did Ian show up again?
That last worry idles. I know the judge rejected the joint custody request Ian put in, but last I heard, he was still going for visitation rights. What, is he going to move here? I want to whisk Leah and Levi away to Montreal and out of his reach.
But I know that wouldn’t stop a man like him. He’d follow them anywhere to get what he wants.
I’m struck with the realization that I would follow them anywhere too. It might not be up to me, though. July 1st is coming soon. Canada Day. Free Agency Day. Contract renewal, trading, and draft picks.
My contract with the Whales is complete. If I want to retire, now’s the time. Announce to the world I’m done. All I have to do is call Whyatt and tell him I’m retiring or I want to continue playing and risk the potential trade.
A wave of uneasiness overwhelms me when I think about it. Who am I if I’m not a goalie? Without a purpose, can I even be the man Leah and Levi need? I don’t know if I have it in me to be a good father. I don’t want her to feel like she has to support me and stick with me because I gave up my career for her.
I don’t want her to feel trapped.
I want her to ask me to stay.
I know she won’t.
For the same reason I won’t ask her to move to wherever I get traded.
Running doesn’t help quiet the thoughts coursing at full speed through my head. A mix of worry, doubt, love, hope, and the unknown. Nothing can quiet my thoughts. I need someone to talk to.
“Hello? Julien?” My dad answers on the first ring.
