Page 12 of Get Me to the Starting Line
Still didn’t stop me from checking on her, hoping she would ask someone for help if she needed it. But she lugged him around until he was fast asleep, doing everything one-handed, checking in on everyone else. I saw Adam’s mom, sister, and Paige check in on her, but I don’t think she let anyone help her, even after they insisted.
Flashes of my own single dad doing everything himself crossed my mind. The man ran himself ragged supporting me—working two or more jobs, making sure I had everything I needed and wanted, putting me in all the goalie clinics.
Looking back, I realized how much he sacrificed so I could be here today, one of the best goalies in the league. The food he didn’t eat because I needed more. The time he didn’t have because I needed more. The space he didn’t take because I needed more.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t be less.
And no matter how much I provide for him now, how much time I give him, he’ll never get back those nights he went to bedhungry. He’ll always have the burns on his hands from the harsh cleaners the hotels where he worked made him use. I’ll never be able to repay him for everything he’s done for me. So I go to every single wedding of his and smile, hoping he finds happiness. I fly him out to games and I go home when I can.
But there’s a small seed of discomfort I’ve buried deep, the one that’s still trying to be less so he doesn’t have to give so much.
I’m glad Leah has amazing people in her life to help her. She’ll never ask for it though. My dad never did. He could have, I realized after spending so many years feeling guilty. He could have asked for help, but no one had taught him how.
The sun bleeds across the sky, the clouds diffusing the light into splashes of pink and orange as the city begins to awaken. More people start littering the path and that’s my cue to leave. Glancing at my watch, I realize it’s been a little over an hour. Shit. I’m going to feel this later.
I nod to some of the people who recognize me, picking up my pace, trying not to think of it as running away. When I get back to my apartment I jump in the shower. It’s one of my favourite places.
Until this place, I’ve never had a shower I could stand in and be comfortable. The rain showerhead is the perfect size, and when I stand under it, I let the water fall over my broad shoulders and down my back, letting out a sigh of relief at being home. Away from people and their gawking.
Only one pair of eyes linger.
When the water runs cold, I get out and begin my hair routine. It’s second nature now to detangle and apply the right products.Because of my parentage, my curls are softer, less tight. The upkeep still takes a while, but I find the whole process relaxing.
Once my hair is taken care of and piled in a loose bun, I get started on breakfast. I toss out the empty carton of eggs, my stomach grumbling at the delay after my unexpectedly long run this morning. I’m about to sit down when my phone dings. What the hell? It’s barely 7:00 a.m.
To:
From: Leah Harrison (via Google Docs)
Leah Harrison shared a document
Leah Harrison ([email protected]) has invited you to edit the following document:
Hey Wedding Party,
Mateo and I were talking about ideas for P+A’s wedding festivities and we thought it would be fun to have you all collaborate. They want a stag and doe weekend instead of separate bachelor/bachelorette parties so let’s give them a great celebratory weekend. Jot your ideas down and let’s see what we can come up with. Let’s have some (organized) fun!
Paige & Adam’s Bachelor/Bachelorette Weekend
OPEN
If you don’t want to receive files from this person, blockthe sender from Drive
The whole weekend? How the hell did she get this together so fast? I don’t open the document, not wanting to seem too eager. Besides, what could I contribute? Other than running and sex, what do Paige and Adam do together?
An unfamiliar emotion overwhelms me as I think of all the couple things they might do. I think I’m jealous. I’m not sure I’ve ever been jealous before. Damn. All the peace and calm my long run gave me is gone, like I’ve just plunged into an ice bath.
Then it hits me. I’m not sure what my future holds or if I’ll even be living here when they actually get married. They haven’t set a date yet—it’s been no more than a week since they got engaged. But Leah is already planning thefestivities. I bet she’s on Paige’s ass about setting a date. That brings a small smirk to my face.
I realize I’m stalling. I don’t have any good ideas for this weekend. What if they hate my ideas? Will I even have fun with this group? Won’t it be weird because all of Adam’s siblings are going to be there?
My mind won’t stop spinning and I’m not going for another run. So I do the next best thing and sit down with a book, getting lost in a world where the quiet, brooding hero doesn’t take up too much space and is someone who gets everything they’ve ever wanted.
Myphonepingsagain,jolting me out of my nap. I glance down, catching my open book before it falls to the floor.
Blinking the sleep away, I see twenty emails sitting in my inbox. I click on the link, finally opening it. There are three separate sections, one for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Date still TBD.
There’s a flurry of red, blue, green, purple, and pink typing on the page. Leah has assigned each of us a colour in a ledger at the top. Apparently I get grey. Lucky me. I suppose it could be worse. She could’ve given me white.
