Page 41 of Behind Her Eyes
‘Thewholetime?’ He’s incredulous, still struggling to get his head around it. ‘All this time you’ve been friends withmy wifeand you didn’t tell me?’ His Scottish accent is stronger in his anger, country rough, and it surprises me. A stranger’s voice.
‘I didn’t know how to!’ I wail at him, my hands gesticulating with no meaning at all except maybe to try and wave it all away. ‘I didn’t … I literally bumped into her in the street and she fell over and then we went for coffee! I didn’t mean to be her friend but then she texted me and I didn’t know what to do!’
‘And you didn’t think to mention to her that you worked for me? You didn’t think that would benormal?’
I’m shocked into momentary silence that must look like more guilt. I thought he knew everything. Maybe he found Adele’s phone and then came straight here? Maybe he hasn’t spoken to her yet? Or maybe she didn’t tell him that part.Maybe she was too afraid. I don’t know what to say. Should I tell him that of course she knew? That she asked me to keep it a secret? But then that gets her into more trouble. And ofallof us, Adele is the one who hasn’t done anything wrong here. I say nothing.
‘How fucking crazy are you?’ Spit flies out with his words. ‘Jesus, I thought you were so honest. Sonormal. Have you been stalking me?’
‘I felt sorry for her!’ I scream at him, even though the walls are thin and Laura next door will definitely hear. ‘She was lonely!’
‘Jesus fuck, Louise. You know how crazy this is, don’t you?’
‘I didn’t want to be her friend. I didn’t.’ The words are snotty through my tears. ‘I got roped in, and at the start I thought what we’d done in the bar was a one-off.’
‘But why didn’t you tell me? All these fucking lies, Louise? Whoareyou?’
‘I didn’t lie, I just didn’t—’ I shrug, helpless.I just didn’t tell you. It’s feeble and I know it even before he cuts me off.
‘What was it you said to me? You’re an open book?’ He sneers and I barely recognise him. ‘You’re full of shit. I thought I couldtrustyou.’ He turns away and runs his hand through his hair, but it looks as though he’s on the verge of tearing it out by the roots. ‘I can’t get my head around this. I can’t.’
‘What are you really worried about, David?’ I take the moment. The best form of defence is attack, and if he thought he could trust me then why didn’t he ever tell me anything? Maybe he’s the one full of shit. ‘That maybe I know things I shouldn’t? That maybe I’ll make Adele grow a spine and sort you out? Kick you out? Get her life back?’
‘What?’ He turns and looks at me, properly looks at me, for the first time since he’s stormed inside. He frowns. His voice lowers. ‘What has she said to you about me?’
‘Oh, she never says anything other than she loves you.’ It’s my turn to sneer. ‘But Iseethings. I know how you treat her. How nervous of you she is. I see how you’ve been playing around with her head.’
He stares at me long and hard. ‘Don’t for a second think you know anything about my marriage.’
‘I know you have all her money. Is that why you won’t leave? The poor little farmer’s boy saves the wealthy heiress and then gets her to sign over her inheritance and never gives it back? You’re a walking Agatha fucking Christie plot.’ Now I’m angry. Yes, maybe he is right to be so upset with me, and I don’t know how I’d feel in his position – violated and cheated maybe – but he was sleeping with me behind his wife’s back, so I’m claiming that as a get-out-of-jail-free card, for now, anyway.
‘You really think nothing of me at all, do you?’ He’s pale and shaking, but his eyes are all fire.
‘No, that’s not true,’ I say, hating the way fresh tears spring from my eyes. ‘I have feelings for you. I thought maybe I loved you. Was partway there at any rate. But there is all thisotherstuff, David. Stuff you don’t tell me. Stuff your poor wife is too afraid to talk about.’
‘What the fuck is it that you think you know, Louise?’ His words are cold and clipped and a terrible stillness has settled on him. Contained rage. Is that a threat or a question? I’m more afraid now than I was when he was shouting. I think about how he treats Adele and I think of his burn scars and how he rescued her from the blaze. I think of the money. Were his heroics for her or for him?
‘What really happened to Adele’s parents?’ My arms fold across my chest as my quiet voice hurls the implied accusation. ‘A fire in the middle of the night and you happened to be passing. Shetoldme about that. Her hero.’ I make apfftsound to finish showing exactly what I think of that, even if I don’t really know what I think of that.
‘I fucking saved her life.’ He growls as he jabs a finger at me, almost stabbing me with it. I take a step back.
‘Yeah, you did. But not her parents. They died. That worked out well for you, didn’t it?’
He recoils, his eyes wide. ‘You fucking bitch. You think I …?’
‘I don’t know what to think!’ I’m shouting, ranting. ‘I’m tired of thinking about it. The pills, the phone calls, all that shit! Adele’s controlling David, my kind but fucked-up David, trying to figure the real you out in the mess of it all. I never wanted to have to think about it! I never wanted to be her friend, but I am, and I like her, and I feel shit about everything!’ I’m so upset I can hardly get a breath, sobbing and panting and fighting for air. ‘I feel like shit!’
‘For fuck’s sake, calm down, Louise.’ He takes a step forward, trying to take my arms, but I shake him off as I gasp and cry. He’s shocked by my torrent of emotion; I can just about see that.
‘I’m her only friend.’ I’m on a roll to destruction and I can’t stop it. I’m tired of having all the questions eating me up inside. ‘Heronlyfriend. Why is that?’
‘Louise, listen—’
‘What happened to Rob, David?’
He freezes then, and I can almost feel the whole world hold a breath between us. My own breathing levels. ‘Why aren’t they friends any more?’ I ask. ‘What did you do?’
He stares at me. ‘How do you know about Rob?’ The words are barely more than a whisper.
