He looks at me for a beat, and it’s not about berries. “When you smile at me, I feel like I want to capture it. But it’s not the regular way like when I see something beautiful and I want to photograph it. When you smile, it does something to me, I feel it in my chest, and I just want to figure out how to get you to do it again.”
I smile from the deepest part of my heart. Like this smile has been waiting for him. “That,” he says and touches my lips. He presses his thumb to the corner of my mouth and I kiss it. “It’s the best smile, but more than that, I just like thinking you’re happy.”
I wish I knew more about science to understand how the explosion that recently took place in my body has rearranged every single particle on this earth into something new and hopeful. This true and beautiful man is looking at what recently could have been described as a drowned rat as if she is precious. As if she is love. I want to say thank you, but instead I kiss him again, slowly, as if transmitting those words through my lips.
His phone vibrates with a rapid series of texts. I want to tell him to turn off his phone and repeat that whole thing about my smile a thousand times. “You should look,” I say against his mouth.
He pulls away and checks his phone again. “Ah, there’s a big debate about whether the berry stand is still there and what exactly the two of us are doing in a car in a storm. Connor has ideas.” Dan shakes his head and rests it on the steering wheel. “This is hell.” He looks at me again, up and down. “I’ll be right back.”
He gets out of the car and opens the trunk and returns, wetter, with a thick gray hoodie.
“Put this on,” he says. “Sorry I didn’t think of it sooner.” He smiles and watches me put it on.
“That’s better,” I say, luxuriating in the feel of warm cotton on my skin.
He pulls each of my sleeves down to cover my hands and then pulls the hood up over my head. “Almost,” he says and then pulls the strings tight so that he can just see my smile. “Perfect.”
CHAPTER 22
WE TRACK AN OCEAN INTO THE HOUSE, AND REENIEdoesn’t seem to mind. I hand over the berries in their dripping cardboard boxes.
“Thank God you’re okay,” she says. “I thought Cor- mack was getting berries, but instead he decided to let a young woman pick them up by bike in a thunderstorm.” I get the feeling this argument has been going on for a while.
“I’m fine, it was sort of exciting. And then Dan rescued me.” My face goes hot when I see the smile creep across Reenie’s face. Cormack looks down at his paper, but there’s a hint of a smile there too.
“So what are these all-important berries for?” Dan asks, rescuing me again.
“I’m going to make a berry pie for dessert, Grandma’s recipe.” And then, to me, “You go take a hot shower and relax.”
“If I take a quick shower, can I help you? Make the pie?” I have a quick thought that the family recipe is a secret and that I’ve asked for too much.
She smiles at me, and I remember there are no secrets here. “Yes. Go. Then we’ll get started. I’ll make us some tea.” Locked in the bathroom, I text Clem: There was making out. In a car. Fogged-up windows and see-through wet clothing. He said a thing about my smile. What is this??
*
I SCORCH MYSELFin the shower and dress in jeans and a sweater to keep the heat in. It’s about four o’clock, and Paula and Aidan are still out somewhere with the girls. Reenie’s at the kitchen counter in an apron, holding a bag of flour expectantly. She has a pastry cutter and a bowl of cold butter cut into little pieces. She shows me how to cut the butter into the flour, and she lets me mold it into a ball. My hands are sticky and I have flour all over my wrists. Dan is sitting at the counter, reading something on his phone and also watching us. Every time our eyes meet, my face melts into a smile and I have to look away. I have completely lost control of my face.
“So I saw Jack,” I say once the crust is chilling in the refrigerator. “I forgot to tell you. When we were driving.” I feel myself blush. Reenie hands me a cup of black tea with honey and cream, and I bury my face in it.
Dan’s smiling at me. “That’s a big thing to forget,” he says.
“Yeah, well, it was a bust.”
“He said no?”
“No, he was mobbed by women and was also on the phone. I called to him, but he didn’t recognize me. And he left.” I don’t tell him that I threw garbage at his car. Not my best moment. I give him an exaggeratedoof.
“Okay, well, that’s two almosts in two days,” he says and holds my gaze. He means two run-ins with Jack, but I think of two run-ins between us.
“I think that math adds to zero,” says Cormack over his newspaper.
I laugh. “Yes. Zero.” And my eyes shoot back to Dan’s.
Aidan and Paula come in with Ruby and Katie around five. Aidan drops a baguette and two packages of steaks on the counter. “Looks like we’re cooking these inside,” he says.
“Jane’s making Grandma’s pie,” Reenie says.
“I am. It’s my first pie, and so far it has not been easy. Seven more minutes in the fridge.” We’ve already rinsed the berries and I’ve been instructed to cut the strawberries in half. I’ve tossed them with sugar and a teaspoon of cornstarch, and I’m keeping the bowl very close to me.
