Page 40 of Summer Romance
“And now I’m actually getting divorced and it’s fine. I wish we’d broken up years ago.” I look down at my feet, now sandy again. “I’m really grateful that you were there to help me today. But I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to stand up for myself. Pete said I’d disappeared. The night he left. And I felt that today, just how absent I’ve been.”
Ethan puts his arm around me and pulls me toward him. The warmth of his bare arm and his hand on my shoulder spreads throughout my body. I shift closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder. “You’re the architect of your own experience, Ali. You’ve got to get out from under this,” he says.
“Under what?”
“I’m not sure. Something’s weighing you down though.”
Laundry. A mountain of mail. Grief. I lean into him a little closer.
“You okay?” he asks into my hair.
“It just feels really nice to be with you.” I wait to feel embarrassed that I’ve said this, but I don’t. Ethan has seen me in my Costco underwear; he’s seen me berated by my husband. He’s seen me cry. He’s felt safe each time.
“See? You move toward what feels good.” He tightens his grip and holds me while we watch the water. I concentrate on the feel of his fingers on my arm and then the feelof the salt water drying on my legs. The white noise of the sea breeze mixed with the so-close sound of his breathing.
“It’s too bad you’re so unreliable,” I say, because honestly I would love to just climb into this happy man and stay forever.
“I guess.” He’s quiet for a while before he goes on. “Catherine mostly left because of the things that make me happy.” He releases me and lies back on the sand. I am not ready for him to stop holding me, that is the only thing I am a hundred percent sure of. I lie down next to him so that I can at least feel his arm next to mine. The sky is remarkably blue behind the leaves of this tree.
“Explain,” I say.
“I hated growing up here, as you know. I always felt so lost, like I didn’t know who I was or how to be. Even in Manhattan when I was this corporate lawyer with a big paycheck, I still didn’t know; it was like I was playing a part. When I moved up to Devon, I felt like I mattered. The kids at the skate park rely on me for a lot of things. A few of the older ones have run away from foster homes, and I try to help get them jobs and places to stay. I keep tabs on them. I do the legal work for Rose at the animal shelter and work with the dogs when they need me. My downstairs neighbor Barb calls every time she sees a spider. Lots of things like that. And I love it. I’m this different person up there. Like I’m not useless. Like it’s finally okay that I don’t play football.” He laughs a little. “Anyway, I’m happy being a guy people lean on, and it got on her nerves. I canceled a lot of weekends away. The last one was a trip to Bermuda we were supposed to take with some of her friends. One of the kidsfrom the park got in a fight and broke four ribs the night before we were leaving. I couldn’t go.”
He turns to me and we are nose to nose. There’s a little bit of sand under his eye and I wipe it away. I love that I get to casually touch him. He doesn’t even blink. “Those kids think I’m super reliable, which is ironic, I guess.”
“They must,” I say, and my heart clenches.
“Catherine said I have a hero complex. And I never really understood that. I mean, what kind of complex would I have if I just blew them off?” He shakes his head, like he’s shaking away the thought. “Anyways, it’s good for me too, because the kids help run the events at the skate park.” When my face doesn’t register understanding, he goes on. “I own the skate park. It’s just an empty lot with some ramps we built, but kids come now and it’s a whole thing. I made it because I couldn’t find any place to skate up there.”
I reach my hand up and cup his cheek, feel the roughness of his stubble. “You’re a good guy, Ethan.”
“I don’t know about that. But it all feels good. It feels good to finally be happy.” His eyes go intense, like he has something he’s been wanting to say. He reaches over and brushes my hair over my shoulder and runs his hand along my neck. I see him decide not to say whatever it was, and instead he kisses me. It’s a whisper of a kiss, more full of reverence than full of desire. I have the sense that he’s told me something. We lie like this, on our sides, looking at one another while the water laps the shore and a soft breeze kisses our skin. I run my fingers over his cheekbones and then along his lower lip. I am memorizing him. The soundtrackfor this moment is a gull overhead and the intensifying sound of the waves.
Ethan looks over his shoulder. “The tide’s coming in.”
I jump up and grab Ferris. Being stranded on a deserted island with an attractive man only works if there’s a port-a-potty.
He’s got his backpack on and is holding Brenda. “Follow me, I think it’s just going to be a little deeper than it was on the way in. We won’t have to carry the dogs too far.”
The water’s only up to the top of my waist, but I have to hold Ferris pretty high to keep him from getting soaked. I like wading through the water behind Ethan and the way he keeps turning around to see if I’m okay.
When the water is shallow enough, I put Ferris down and let him run. He and Brenda are ahead of us and I fall into step next to Ethan. We don’t speak as we make our way back to our sneakers, phones, and leashes. We’ve both missed a call from Frannie, and I’m shocked to see that it’s 2:55.
“Wow, I really lost track of everything out there,” I say.
“Yes,” he says, without looking up from his phone.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, sort of. The guys have an event at the skate park tomorrow and the city’s pulled their permit. They can go ahead with it if it’s never more than thirty people at a time. I’m going to have to go up tomorrow to act as a bouncer.” He tosses his phone into his backpack and we start walking back to the car.
“So do you go every time they need something?” I ask.
“Well, usually I’m there when they need something, so it’s easier.”
“I’m glad. Someone else might just tell them to cancel it.”
He stops and smiles at me like I just said Massa-Cheez-Its. “Do you want to come with me tomorrow?”
