Page 76 of Cutter's Hope
“I lose you?” I asked her point blank, steeling myself for the answer I didn’t want to hear.
She searched my face, “No,” her voice was small, low and dewed with her tears. I felt myself relax.
“Just tell me what’s going on in there, huh Baby?”
“I don’t know,” she sniffed, breath hitching, I gave her my best look like she knew that wasn’t true and she sighed out.
“A lot, there’s a lot…” she said haltingly, “Just so much has happened in such a short amount of time and I,” she bit her lips together and her eyes welled up fresh. I reached up and thumbed the new tears out from under her eyes. Overwhelmed didn’t even begin to cover where my girl was at.
“One thing at a time,” I said soothingly.
“I was jealous, and it’s shitty and not fair and I don’t have any claim on you, I mean you’ve already done so much and,” I put a finger to her petal soft lips silencing her. She watched me, dark eyes inquisitive and that was good, that was real good.
“You listen to me, alright?” I raised my eyebrows and waited and she nodded slowly. I took my finger away from her mouth and took a cleansing breath.
“If roles had been reversed, if some dude I didn’t know came up to you, right now, and put his lips on you, I’d knock his fucking teeth in,” I told her. She and I stared across the short distance between us, silent. I leaned forward, brushed her lips with mine, “You’re my woman, and this is a two way street, Sweetheart.” I kissed her slow and let it build into something deep that I hoped touched both our souls.
I drew back carefully, and had to smile. Her eyes were closed, her face lax with something akin to peace. Her breath escaped her in a soft and gentle sigh and I’d be lying if I said I weren’t hard but I needed to ignore my dick. Get to the bottom of some things.
“What else, Sweetheart?” God I just wanted her to give me something, anything, I couldfixright here and right now. Something to make her feel better. Something that would make her realize that I would do anything for her. There wasn’t any ‘just about’ in there. I would. I would do anything for her. To wipe the ugly hurt from her eyes, to sooth her down into a place where she could open up, put some healing onherhurts.
“I feel, I don’t know… I just,”
“Shh, slow and easy, Sweetheart, come on. Don’t get worked up on me now. What else?”
“I feel guilty.”
“Water under the bridge, Babe. It’s okay,” I told her. She closed her eyes.
“No, I didn’t mean… I meant about Faith. I’m trying. I really am, but Ilosther, I lost her and then I found her but now I’vefound herand she’s with someoneelseand I’m trying, I’m trying so hard to give her,” she swallowed hard, more tears threatened, and with a soft gasp she pressed on, “Her space and do what she wants but I feel so guilty, like I should be there and like I’m failing her all over again.”
She looked at me and her dark gaze willed me to understand, but I couldn’t. Not really. Not this. I had never been a parent, and even though those two girls were her sisters, Hope had been responsible for ‘em for so very long she might as well have birthed them herself. It was suddenly easy to see why she underwent such an extreme form of birth control, opting for the permanent surgical option.
“Okay,” I said and nodded, “Okay, this is what we’re going to do. I’m gonna bring Reave and Li’l Bit back up here and you and Li’l Bit are gonna relax and get to know each other. Can you do that for me?” She nodded, she didn’t lookhappyabout it, but I needed her and Li’l Bit out of the way some. I had an idea, and when I had one of ‘em like I did now, wasn’t anything going to stop me. I kissed her one more time and went and got Reave and Li’l Bit from below decks.
“Yo, Reave. You remember how this works?” I asked and indicated the sails and the like. He let out an explosive breath.
“Kinda,” he said.
“Kinda is all I need.”
I went to the radio up by the wheel, “Harbor Master this is the Mysteria Avenge…” dinner would be cold, but who cares? I could reheat it and some things were more important.
37
Hope…
I focused on the small woman who was huddled in her man’s black hoodie. It made her look smaller. She was short, but had some curves, unlike me. She sat down in the chair at the table next to me and blushed.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi,” I echoed back. She laughed nervously. God this was fucking ridiculous and awkward. I didn’t want to sit here, drunk after making a total asshole out of myself in front of these people, with these people –
“Harbormaster this is the Mysteria Avenge,” I looked up sharply and narrowed my eyes. Cutter grinned down at me as the radio squawked a return in his hand.
“We’re going out?” the woman said excitedly.
“You two just try to get to know each other and bury the hatchet,” Cutter said and he was up, leaping to and fro, unhooking this, untying that and I just… well shit. It was much easier doing what he asked.
