Page 70 of Cutter's Hope
“Easy, Faith. Ready? Going to use the speculum now,” the doctor was kind, treated my sister gently and with respect. He was good. I had to appreciate that.
My sister and I murmured back and forth, talking about that long ago first pelvic exam and even managed to laugh a time or two. She was so afraid, so broken and in so much pain that I couldn’t stop the tears from leaking out if I wanted to. We cried together, the doctor paused.
“Faith, I have to ask you something…”
“Yeah?” her voice warbled pitifully.
“Honey, you ever been pregnant?” he asked.
My sister dissolved into tears and I saw Marlin just outside the door, stiffen through the crack in it. I held my breath…
“Yeah, they had some doctor come… they killed my baby.”
I hadn’t made them suffer enough…
Faith sobbed and shook and I bent over her and over the table and held her from the waist up while the doctor made soothing noises and finished what he needed to do. I let the tears drip hot and salty slick down my own face and didn’t even try to wipe them or slow them. The doctor’s tone had said everything I’d needed it to and Faith didn’t need it up front and center any worse than it already was.
“Okay, Honey, we’re all done.” Doc murmured and he got up and went for the door, we exchanged a meaningful look and he gave me a nod and I helped my sister back into her cheap bargain store sweats someone had found her.
“Thank you for coming,” she said and it was as if she were completely drained, hollow, a husk… nothing more.
“Faith, I will always come for you, you’re my girl,” I said and we hugged. I kissed her forehead and Marlin stuck his head in.
“We gotta go,” he murmured. I nodded.
“Okay, I’ll come with you,” I said.
“No,” Faith shook her head, “I really needed you for this part but Marlin told me what’s coming, Sis; you don’t…Idon’t want you there for that. I promise. I’ll call when it’s over.” I’d never seen such a look of sheer iron will and determination on Faith before. She had always been my little party girl. Had never taken life, school, her grades, any of it seriously until she’d graduated… and had nothing to do and nowhere to go and no scholarship like Char to get her to the next level.
She’d had to waitress, take community college courses, take out student loans and claw her way into college and I had done what I could to help her… not as much as I could have or should have, which was why she had sought cheaper off campus living… which is why she’d met Tonya, which was why this was my fault.
I always had to be such a fucking hard ass and look at us now.
“Okay,” I said finally and let Marlin take her from me. She seemed to have some kind of understanding with him. Which, that was fast, but who was I to bitch? I hadn’t exactly been there for her before, we’d had some knock down drag out screaming matches. Fuck. Fuck me.
“Faith, can I talk to your sister about your results and what needs to happen?” the doctor asked her.
She nodded, “Yeah sure. I just want to go lay down, get this started, get this over with.” My sister closed her eyes and swallowed and Marlin took her away from me, and I let her go. Against every single urge and raging desire I had to snatch her to me and never let her go again.
The doctor picked up his bag, and slung it across his chest and I followed him out. Nothing gave me a lingering look of concern as he closed Marlin and Faith into the back seat of his car but my last lingering look of longing and ache was all for my sister.
“Give you a ride somewhere?” Nothing asked.
“Nope. I’m good,” I said and closed it down.
“Hope…”
“Take them back to the house please, Nothing. Make sure my sister gets there safe and make sure Marlin knows Ineedhim to take care of her. Please? I need Faith to be okay before I’m good to handle my own shit.”
Nothing nodded readily, “Yeah, no, you can count on us, Hope; you can count on all of us. Just take care of you, too.”
“Not worried about me, worried about my baby girl,” I sniffed and Nothing nodded.
“I’ll call you and the Captain later, report,” Marlin called from the back seat.
“Call me,” I said and he nodded, Nothing got behind the wheel and the doctor stood beside me as I watched them go.
“Why did you ask about pregnancy?” I asked when they were gone.
