Page 79 of Marlin's Faith
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The rideout to Marlin’s parents was a bright one, even with my sunglasses on. The wind did it’s best to cool us, but the hot Florida sun seeped into our black leathers and I felt a trickle of sweat glide down my spine beneath my ‘property of Marlin’ vest and the leather jacket beneath it. I was glad Marlin had insisted on us packing cooler clothing to change into once we got there.
I didn’t know what to expect when it came to his parent’s house. Honestly, I hadn’t put any real thought to it. I was surprised to find a quaint little home with a perfectly manicured front lawn and equally perfect flowerbeds. The ride hadn’t been a long one, maybe twenty or thirty minutes or so, and when we pulled up, it was behind a late model Honda, a boy and a girl bouncing out of the back seat to either side, and Johnny climbing out of the driver’s seat.
He looked drawn, but his children were all over it when it came to Marlin, screeching “Uncle Jimmy!” jumping and bouncing, waiting for him to stop and shut off the bike. Johnny was calling to the kids to calm down and wait for Uncle Jimmy to get off his bike when Marlin tapped my knee, reminding me I needed to get down first.
I got off the back of the motorcycle in my form fitting leathers and felt vaguely self-conscious standing in front of the two kids, a boy and a girl, who were looking up at me as I took off my helmet.
“Who are you?” the boy asked.
“My name is Faith,” I said smiling.
“My name is Violet, that’s my stupid brother, Holden.”
The girl gave me a gap toothed grin and Holden shoved her, exclaiming “You’restupid!”
“Hey!” Marlin barked, “The both of you knock it off, and gimme a hug.”
The kids, who couldn’t be more than five and six, the girl the older of the two, shouted and laughed, shrieking in delight as Marlin picked them up and tickled them, hugging them and playing like any good uncle would. I smiled faintly and felt a wistful pang, wondering if he would someday realize that he wanted this, wanted children of his own… children I couldn’t provide.
“Why so sad?” Bobby asked me, he and Johnny were standing with me, watching Marlin in the beautifully kept front yard and I sighed softly.
“I can’t give him that,” I said honestly and both of them looked at me. I closed my eyes and sniffed, breathing deep and counting in my head to keep more tears at bay. I was honestly tired of crying so much, no matter that I came by it so honestly.
“What do you mean?” Johnny asked, and he looked perplexed.
“I got pregnant, while they had me. They did a back alley abortion. Took my baby and scarred me up so bad on the inside that even if I did manage to conceive, I’d never be able to carry to term.” I swallowed hard. I didn’t have to tell them any of that, but Dr. Sheindland had encouraged me to speak my truth whenever possible. That confronting the painful events, over and over again, being brave and taking them head on, would encourage the healing process along. She told me to look at it a certain way, that no matter if it made people uncomfortable or not, that I had been the one to actually live with it. That the discomfort I had endured to this point was nothing on the fleeting moments they would bear and that too often, victims remained silent because they didn’t want to hurt or displease those closest to them.
That by being open, and honest, about some of the things I’d gone through would allow the ones that loved me, the chance to help me grieve my losses and would foster a better understanding. Of course, she meant this more about my family than acquaintances, but Marlin’s family was supposed to be my family and last night, Bobby and Johnny had told me to consider them all in.
Both of them were looking at me with a mixture of sympathy and pain and it hurt to see, but it also helped lessen my burden, too. I was grateful for that, and it was Johnny who put an arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.
“I didn’t know, I’m sorry,” he said, tone laced with guilt.
“Youdidn’tknow, and it’s okay, really.”
The ruckus that Marlin and Johnny’s children were causing eventually caused the front door of the quaint little house to open, a woman much older than I expected, coming outside. I’d honestly anticipated Marlin’s mother to be in her sixties, but the woman standing stooped and frail on the front step looked like she was already in her mid to late seventies. The man appearing behind her looked much the same. Both of them held the air of happily married retirees and the glad cries that emanated from them caused me yet another pang, this time one of nostalgia mixed with wishful thinking.
My mother was gone and my father we had no contact with, and no idea where he was mixed with no desire to see him. I firmly believed my older sister and what he’d done, and I harbored a deep sense of shame over it. Charity had been too young, and had been hard on Hope. I didn’t know if things had changed but she had always been a daddy’s girl growing up whereas I had been mommy’s little girl up until mom had died.
Marlin put down his nephew and came over to me, tucking me under his arm. I banished the rainclouds from my mood and took a deep, cleansing breath.
“C’mon Baby Girl, I want you to meet our parents.”
We walked up to the front steps and Marlin and Johnny’s mother held out her arms to her two sons. She hugged first one, then the other, though Marlin was stiff around both her and his father.
“And who might you be?” she asked, beaming and friendly.
“Mama, I’d like you to meet my girl, Faith.”
“Oh, look at you! You’re so very pretty, come here, around here we give hugs. Jimmy I didn’t know you had a girlfriend!”
Hugs were exchanged, a whirlwind of activity ensued and before I knew it, both Marlin and I were changed and seated at the dinner table, talking and plates being loaded with food; although my plate was seemingly loaded for me, Marlin’s mother, Eileen, kept eying me and I knew I was still thin, a couple of months had done wonders for that, but apparently I still wasn’t up to standard around here. By the time she finished I had enough for almost four meals on my plate.
I was sitting between Bobby and Marlin and Bobby leaned over and muttered in my ear, “Save room for the pie, it’s to die for.”
He looked up suddenly and asked, “Mama, you get the limes I had sent over yesterday?”
