Page 46 of Her Brother's Keeper
He sat down in the chair by the fire and I moved to the couch, woodenly, mechanically, and sat down. Nox explained, “In the club life, there are sometimes no real words to express how we feel about something so in the early days, we adopted some mundane ones and sort of gave ‘em new meaning. You get me?”
I think I nodded, “Property, let’s start with that one.”
Nox’s eyes narrowed, “Angel, you having a panic attack or something?” He asked and I startled.
“I… I don't know what's wrong with me. Why are you asking me that?”
He got up and sat down next to me, the leather of his jacket and vest creaking, he left some space between us and I was surprised to find I was grateful for it.
“It’s okay,” he soothed, “everything is okay.”
“We’ll see,” I said. “Explain the alternate meaning of property, and we’ll see.”
He nodded and covered my hand with his, “In this life, there’s property, like a cage, or a house, or a boat, right? Then there’sproperty, like a man’s bike or a man’s woman but it’s not like a house, okay? To us, a house burns down and fuck, that sucks, but whatever, you know? You just build or buy a new one. When it come to a man’spropertylike his bike or his family, another man doesn't get to just fuck with that and walk away. That kind of property is something worth killing over. That kind of property,you, are worthdyingfor. Make sense?”
I stared at him, taken aback by his intensity, mouth slightly agape. He took one finger and tapped beneath my chin causing me to close my mouth, a sad, gentle smile playing on his lips that I suddenly wanted to fiercely kiss.
“Really?” I squeaked.
“Yeah, really,” he laughed. “Now about this anxiety of yours, what’s going on there?”
“I… I don't know,” I stammered.
He gave me a patient look and said gently, “I told you mine, Angel. It’s only fair you tell me yours.”
I blushed crimson with embarrassment. It seemed like such a stupid thing to be afraid of now. Nox lightly brushed a thumb over the back of my hand, waiting me out patiently.
I swallowed hard to clear the lump in my throat before I could speak, “I thought this was going to be it.”
“It?”
“Yeah,it,over, finished; the grand finale, last curtain, done like last night’s dinner.”
He laughed lightly at my litany and pulled me against him, tucking my head beneath his chin, “Angel, it’s done only whenyousay it’s done. You get me?”
“I feel so neurotic,” I confessed, floundering and at a loss; hopelessness tugging at my edges, eroding my confidence like the sea to stones, the constant surge and retreat pulverizing them to sand.
“You have every right to be. No idea what happened to your mom, but your dad getting sick and dying? Leaving you all on your own with Sage? Pretty sure that’s enough to give anybody some kind of abandonment issues, not to mention a little separation anxiety.”
The lightbulb went off. He was right, first mom, then Luke… My first real relationship outside of the family. I mean, sure, I’d been the one to break up withhim, but to have him turn on me like he did, and then to have my father die, I could see Nox’s point. I let him hold me, the fire crackling in front of us and felt myself calm considerably.
“Need me to score you some weed for times like these?” He asked me suddenly. I startled.
“That bad?” I asked vaguely, lulled by the warmth and the steady beat of his heart beneath my ear.
“I don't like seeing you like this, all wound up, white as a sheet and looking like you’re going to fly apart any second. You need to chill, Angel. You need to relax, sometimes. You can't do it all. I don't fuckin’ care what everyone expects, it just ain't practical.”
I closed my eyes and sighed, “Is that why you did whatever you did?”
“Yes.” Unequivocal; a solid, one word response.
I swallowed hard, “What did you do?”
Nox kissed the top of my head, “Two reasons why I’m not going to tell you that. One, its club business and we don't share club business, not even with our girlfriends or ol’ ladies. Two, it’d probably make you an accessory after the fact, and I’m not going to do that to you. That’d really be risking everything. There’s this thing called plausible deniability and you have it. In fact, this little conversation right here didn't even happen. You get me?”
“Yes,” I said dully.
“Ain't gotta like it, Angel, just have to do it; for your protection. Get me?”
