Page 36 of The Himbo and the Lord
Thatis something I’ve had more than enough of in my lifetime, so no thank you.
“Night, Dad,” I say when he doesn’t speak. Acting normally seems to be the way to go here. I might be angry with him, I might resent him, but there’s enough anger in his eyes for both of us, and I’m fucking tired.
“Night?” he asks through gritted teeth.
Here we go, is all I can think as he stands slowly. And seriously all these theatrics are tiring.
“You come in here at almost five in the morning and saynight, Dad?!” I can tell he’s trying not to shout and that he’s about to go off on a tangent, so I keep my mouth shut and settle in. “You’re better than this, Nathaniel. You’re wasting your life away.”
I want to scoff at that. I’m only twenty-four for fuck’s sake, but again, I’ve heard it all before, and I’ve said it all before, so I just keep... my... mouth... shut.
“When you came back from your little trip I thought you’d finally come to your senses, but then you said no. I don’t fucking understand how you can turn away an opportunity like this one. How you can throw away your future. The worst part is, you don’t even seem to care. You’ve never appreciated everything we’ve done for you and?—”
“I’ve always appreciated it,” I interrupt him, my words louder than I intended. “I appreciate it all, but that doesn’t mean I owe you shit,” I practically hiss at him. “You can take all your expectations and shove them up your ass,Dad,” I add mockingly. “I’m not going to be your puppet. I’m not going to be your clone?—”
“That’s abundantly clear,” he says with a scoff, and I actually feel like I’m boiling on the inside.
“Exactly. So get it through your head already. I’m not going to work for you, and I’m not going to act the way you want me to. You want me to leave?” I spread my arms wide, hoping it will show him how not afraid of him I am. “I’ll leave in the morning if having me here, living my life the way I want to live it, is so fucking inconvenient to you.”
“That’s not what I want, Nathaniel?—”
“Then what do you fucking want?” I scream because I can’t fucking listen to him sound defeated. “I’m not going to work for you. Accept that, and then figure out what you want from me, because if you keep pushing this, then you’re not going to see me anymore. I can’t keep hearing the same fucking speech every night.”
“I want you to get a job. To stop living in this imaginary world where you don’t have to do anything to get what you want?—”
“I know damn well I can’t get what I want,” I interrupt him again. The emotional hitch in my voice clearly takes him aback, and I’m instantly mortified.
Clearly I haven’t succeeded in moving on with my life.
“I’m going to sleep. You should do the same.” I speak quickly, hoping it’s enough to avoid any more of this conversation.
“Nate—”
“Night, Dad,” I repeat, and walk away.
It’s better if I just walk away, because he’d probably laugh at the tears brimming in my eyes.
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
Ru
“Ru! Ru!”
“Huh?” I turn my head to face Jenna just as a cushion connects with it. “Ouch!” I exclaim with indignation.
“You can’t get hurt by soft furnishings,” Jenna scoffs, as I rub the side of my head and mock scowl at her to prove her wrong.
“Where were you?” she continues. “Still dreaming of your American hunk?”
“No!” I almost shout, and she snorts—she can see right through my terrible lie. I tip my head back on the sofa and sigh.
“Ughh.” I can’t seem to shake off the funk that’s been following me around since I got back from Australia.
I hate that Nate occupies my thoughts so much, and has done so over the last few months. I’ve tried to put him behind me, and after what he did I really should, but there’s a part of me that’s still mad at him for it. But I also have memories of how good it felt—not just the sex, though that was incredible—and I haven’t been with anyone since as I know they just won’t compare to him.
There’s something more... a connection I felt to him. He was easy to be with, and I finally felt I could be who I was meant to be with him. It’s not a sensation I’ve had around anyone I’ve been with before, and it’s that feeling—the freedom, the wholeness, even though it was for a few brief days—that has me drifting off into dreamland.
Everything I experience now is held up in comparison to that time and found wanting. I may be remembering it with rose-tinted spectacles, but I don’t care. It was perfection for a few days. Something I’ve craved all my life, and I want it again.
