Page 57 of Renegade Rift
A soft sigh escapes me. It’s the last happy Christmas I remember.
“Oh no. You’re going wistful on me. What’s going through that head of yours?”
For a split second I debate deflecting, but something pushes me to let Paige in. “I think I miss having someone to share my life with.”
She gives me a wry side eye glance. “Thanks, asshole.”
I tilt my head and deadpan. “Oh come on. You know you’re my best friend.”
“Damn straight I am.” She pretends to toss her hair over her shoulders despite the fact it’s pulled up on top of her head. “Even if it is by force.”
“What I mean is there are times I miss having someone to share the quiet moments with. I miss having that connection. It’s been so long since I’ve just been comfortable with someone and not having to walk on eggshells.”
She gives me a look that saysreally? Are we still not talking about how you spend hours in this apartment with a certain baseball player that has bent over backwards to make you feel comfortable.
Nope, we definitely aren’t.
“Okay.” She stretches the word out. “Is this you telling me you’re ready to take the plunge and maybe consider dating again?”
“Maybe?” My voice curls up at the end, resulting in it coming out as more of a question than statement.
Paige squeals and shoves her plate out of the way so she can jump up on the kitchen island. She slides across and sits next to me, bouncing like a teenager at a sleepover waiting for all the juicy gossip. She pulls her phone from her pocket and starts tapping away. When she finally looks up at me, I’m surprised to see her face is stone serious.
“Before I get too excited.” She pauses, clearly unaware we’re already past that point. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“I think so.” There’s probably less confidence than there should be, but really, I think it’s a good step for me.
Paige takes my hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. “What I mean is,I’m ready to jump headfirst and live vicariously through you and your soon to be amazing dating life, but I want you to be sure this is what you want. I know it hasn’t been that long since Tyler died, and this past year has been an incredible healing journey for you. But you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. There’s no timeline on grief.”
“Such wise words,” I tease.
“I’m serious, Etta.”
I am too. I mean it wasn’t on my bingo card for the year, but then again neither was gaining financial freedom from Tyler’s debt or getting out of that dingy little apartment. It’s amazing how change can inspire more change, like a snowball rolling downhill. The momentum keeps going until it’s an avalanche. It may be daunting as all hell, but I’m ready to be that incredible force in my life and change the landscape.
“I think I need to.” I jump up onto the kitchen island beside her, loving the unconventional place to have a conversation. Dropping my head onto her shoulder, I inhale deep and exhale my anxieties. “For too long I’ve lived by everyone else’s rules. First my father, who wanted me to be the legacy of our family and take over the restaurant. Then when I married Tyler, he became less my husband and more of my keeper. Even in his death he controlled me. I’ve always had bigger dreams for myself, but I lost sight of them. But now I’m debt free.” I wince. Mostly. Except for what I owe Ford. But that doesn’t feel as heavy as the debts of my past. “I want to explore the world. I want to follow my passions. And despite all that Tyler put me through, my masochistic hopeless romantic heart still wants to find love. Real love.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to addnot what Tyler gave me. But I can’t. Once upon a time I truly think he loved me in the way I deserved. But it didn’t last. Maybe love isn’t meant to. But I have to believe it can. If I don’t then I feel like I might lose that part of my soul and resolve to become a bitter old cat lady.
I want more than that.
Paige wraps her arm around me and drops her head onto mine. “I love your little romantic heart. And I’m glad Tyler is dead, because if he wasn’t I’d kill him myself.”
“You’re so violent.”
“Only for my bestie.” She gives me a gentle squeeze and lets go. “Plus, you know you’d help me hide the body.”
“Reluctantly.”
“That’s not a no so I’ll take it.”
I smile. When we met, I didn’t think we’d ever get here, but I’m glad Paige pushed through and stuck around.
“Now.” She pulls up her phone and hands it to me. “Scan this code with your phone, and we’ll get you a profile on Opalescent.”
“Opalescent?” I grab my phone off the counter and do as she says, seeing a white app with a rainbow border and a tiny little crystal symbol in the center appear.
Paige reaches over and clicks download. “It’s a high-end dating app that vets their clients.”
