Page 123 of Hat Trick
I’d give anything to let him go back to those days too. To patch him up and make the broken boy smile again, because with every heave of his chest, with every muffled cry and the wall he’s trying to keep up, I ache more than I did before.
“None of us ever know how good we have it until it’s too late. And it fucking sucks,” I say gently. “So today wasn’t a good day. Big whoop. Do you know what we do now?”
“What?”
“We forge ahead. We pivot and adjust. We find a new plan, and we try again. And if you don’t want to try again, that’s fine too. When you’re ready, I’m going to be here, okay?”
“Why?” Riley turns and looks at me. “Why are you willing to do this for me? What do you get out of it?”
How do I tell him the time I spend with him is the best part of my day?
I look forward to seeing him walk through the athletic trainer’s office door. I’m at ease when he pulls me close to his chest in bed after sex, his face buried in my hair and his mouth warm on my neck. I smile when his name pops up on my phone, a text message that has me laughing and turning my screen brightness down so that no one can see I’m giggling over something silly and stupid.
Those tiny pockets of time are slowly becoming my favorite moments, and my head is a jumbled mess because of it. My happiness has never been tied to another person. I haven’t given two shits about what the men in my life do, but I’m finding I’m dependent on making him smile. Determined he has a good day every day, and it hurts me to know he’s hurting.
“I getyouout of it. I care about you, Riley,” I say. “You’re my friend. And friends show up for each other even when the other wants to push them away.”
“I might never be good at skating again,” he says, dejection lacing the statement.
“You might not be.”
“I don’t know if I want to try again. I hate failing.”
“You don’t have to try again.”
Riley stares out at the rink. He watches Maverick, Hudson, and Liam, snorting when Maverick slides across the ice on his stomach.
“But if and when you do, I’ll be here.” I squeeze his knee. “And I can be very patient, Mitchy.”
His attention moves to my hand, and he traces over the bump of my knuckles with his thumb. “I’m lucky to have a friend like you, Lexi. We’ll try again another day.”
His touch is an inferno. Heat races up my arm and crawls to the base of my spine. I swallow, suddenly dizzy. When he pulls away, it’s like a bucket of ice is getting dumped over me. I’m cold down to my bones, and alarms ring in my head.
Come back, I want to shout, and when he scoops his skates off the ground and tosses a tentative smile my way, I’m hit with the overwhelming realization that I might’ve found myself walking down a path I’ve never been down before.
Friends,I tell myself.
Bullshit, my brain whispers back.
THIRTY-FOUR
LEXI
Riley
Hey. Coach canceled practice. I guess half the team has norovirus after our away game last weekend.
Ethan is convinced someone from the hotel staff purposely served us contaminated food because the guys are finally racking up some wins.
The photo he sent of himself puking has made me afraid to ever open a text message again.
I feel fine. It’s probably the universe giving me a karmic break after losing my leg, you know? Why make me barf for hours on end when it already took my limb?
Do you still want to meet for our session?
Lex?
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