Page 100 of Hat Trick
“When I woke up after the accident and saw I lost my leg, I wanted to die,” I whisper, and Lexi holds me tighter. “I thought about it. I wondered what I could use in the hospital room to make it happen. Bed sheets were my plan. Or lying to the nurses about how much pain medication I had taken until I overdosed. It’s… it’s fuckingstupidto say this, and maybe the people who have never been an athlete wouldn’t understand, but the minute I realized I couldn’t play hockey anymore, I didn’t see the point in existing. That’s all I knew. That’s all I had. That’s all Iwas.”
I stop to take a breath. I didn’t realize I was shaking, and I rest my cheek on top of her head. It feels fuckinggoodto admit this to someone besides my therapist. I’m letting it out in the open, and with every word I say, I’m lighter, buoyant, so I keep talking.
“And then you and I started working together. I didn’t believe you when you said you could get me to skate again, because I couldn’t even fuckingwalk. On the hard days when my head is cloudy and that anger I felt in the beginning creeps up, I think it’s all a lie. I won’t be able to do it. I’m going to fail, so why even try? But now I’m looking at a pair of skates and—” I press the heel of my palm against my left eye. “I think I really can.”
“Oh, Riley.” Lexi pulls away from me and cups my face with both of her hands. Her palms are warm, smooth, and I relax under her touch. “You can. I know you can. It’s not going to be easy, but look at everything you’ve accomplished the last six months. This time next year, you’re not going to recognize yourself.”
“I’m sorry. The last time I cried over skates was when I was seven and my parents got me a new pair.” I snort out a laugh and run my fingers over the synthetic boot. “I begged for them for months.”
“I’m glad you like them. I was afraid I was overstepping, and I’d never want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You could never make me uncomfortable.” I wipe my eyes again. “This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”
“I, um, added something after they were delivered. On the blade holder there.” She taps the white piece of plastic connecting the blade to the skate. “It’s silly.”
“For all the good days,” I read. “I fucking love it, Lex. Thank you. So much. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.”
“I’m glad you like it.” Lexi squeezes me one more time and untangles our limbs. “We’ll try them out soon. I promise.”
“I can be patient. I’m willing to wait as long as I have to. Even knowing this is a possibility is beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined.”
“Riley?”
“Yeah?”
She takes my hand in hers. “I’m really glad you’re still here.”
“So am I. And I’m really glad we’re friends.” I drape an arm around her shoulder. “Merry Christmas Eve Eve, Lex.”
“Merry Christmas Eve Eve, Riley,” she whispers back, and this might be the best Christmas I’ve ever had.
TWENTY-NINE
RILEY
Puck Kings
Mavvy
Can someone host team dinner this week? We’re getting the guest bathroom remodeled and there’s shit everywhere.
G-Money
Like… actual shit? That’s disgusting.
Mavvy
No, idiot. Like tools and materials and tiles.
G-Money
OH. That makes more sense lol.
Sully
I can’t wait until I retire. No more social gatherings. No more group chats. No more going places I don’t want to. I can sit in my house all day and not have to talk to anyone.
G-Money
