Page 58 of Heavy
Her silence comes with less and less of a physical fight, and I take the opportunity to shift both her wrists into one of my hands.
“I think you’re enjoying this, Cal. But this isn’t for your pleasure, nor is it for mine. You will tell me, right here, right now, or I will hog tie you and placeBig Berthaup your ass.”
She gasps. “H-How do you know about her?”
“Mmm,” I groan. “More worried about why I know about her than me putting it in your ass. Such a slut for pain, huh, baby girl?”
The whimper that falls from her mouth makes my cock twitch. She chews on her bottom lip, but when her eyes meet mine, I can tell she’s on the verge of saying something. So I stay quiet, allowing her the moment.
“I’ll tell you why, if you tell me why I can’t touch you.”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “This isn’t give and take. I don’tneedto give you shit for you to tell me.”
“Please…”
Why does the way she beg make me feel so much lighter? I don’t get why it’s her, of all people, who has this effect on me.
I growl, “I promise you will begin using that wordnoif I tell you that, baby girl.”
“I won’t… I… I won’t.”
I should want that—want her to stop trying to break through the barrier I’ve painfully built. I would’ve died happy never knowing a touch existed that I didn’t want to scorch and burn. One that wasn’t from a child. Mia. Dylan.Innocence.
“Tell me why you won’t tell me first,” I say, but she shakes her head. I harden my gaze. “Unlike you… I’ve not lied to you. If I say I’m going to do something, I will do it.”
After a few shaky breaths, she closes her eyes. “Because I care about you. I don’t want you to go back to prison because of my baggage.”
I tut. “Don’t care about me, Cal.”
“Too late.”
My grip on her wrists loosens, letting her arms drop to her sides. I don’t step away, keeping the space between us nonexistent. “Correct that mistake, because I promise you will only find heartbreak on the other end of this jagged road.”
Her eyes that are turning red meet mine, and she shakes her head, but doesn’t comment. Instead, she says, “Why can’t I touch you?”
The slowing of my heart makes the air feel suffocating, as if I’m a fish out of water. Dying, helpless, unable to find my way back below the surface.
“You’d detest touch too if you were only ten when people started placing their hands and body parts where they didn’t belong.” I’ve never seen Cal cry before, but as her face morphs into anguish, tears brim her lids, threatening to fall. “When the word ‘no’ fell on deaf ears. When the only people that were supposed to believe you, thought you lied. And the ones that were supposed to protect you, sided with the offender.”
I step back from her, and she shakes her head like I’ve told her something so unbelievable that it couldn’t be true.
Like I’m lying.
I shrug my shoulders, never tearing my gaze away from her. “Care less, Cal. I’m so beyond being fixed like this cabin of yours, and don’t want to be.”
“Eamon…” She’s not listening to me. “Where was—”
“You asked me why I won’t let you touch me, and I answered that question. If you want another, you will tell me who is after you.”
She blinks, and those tears line straight down her cheeks. I’m sure they taste like defeat and so much fucking sympathy.
I chuckle with my own disappointment.
“You care about me…” It isn’t a question, but I hum, just to edge her to continue. “Why can’t I care?”
Now that’s a great question, but I won’t give her the answer. I know what caring about me leads to. Inevitably, I’ll end up back in prison or better, dead. There is a reason I’m staying away from Mia and my so-called family, because one of those is going to happen. There is no happy ending for someone like me. No fairytale where I end up with someone like Calista or really get anything that I want. It’s not in the cards for me, as sad as that is.
“You can’t answer that…” She bravely takes a step in my direction.
