Page 19 of Serenity
Abandonment issues was putting it mildly. The way he’d handled the situation had made me live through one of my worst fears. I hadn’t handled it well. Not at all. But I’d survived and now he was sitting in front of me saying all of the things I would’ve killed to hear that night. I just needed to decide if it was enough. If I was willing to make myself vulnerable again. “You have the power to hurt me like nobody else. Itscaresme.”
“You’re not alone in that. The possibility that I fucked up badly enough to lose you scares the shit outofme.”
The walking out on me had freaked me out, but so had the reason he’d done it. And we hadn’t really talked about that part of it yet. “Even though I have Declan’s kidney in me?” I pressed my hand against my side but quickly jerked it back when there was a flash oftenderness.
“I’m not going to lie”—my entire body froze as my heart felt like it stuttered—“and say I wasn’t a little freaked out about it at first. I wasn’t sure what to think about knowing a piece of Declan lives oninyou.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, afraid to look at him as I asked, “Andnow?”
His touch was so familiar as he tilted my head back with one finger at my chin. “Look atme,baby.”
I let my lids drift upwards and focused on his dark eyes. They were filled with the same intense emotion I’d grown used to seeinginthem.
Love.
It burned so brightly that tears spilled down my cheeksagain.
“I hate that Declan is gone, but I’m thrilled as fuck that he was able to save you.Forme.”
“Really?” Isobbed.
“Really.” He pulled me into his arms again and kissed the top of my head. “I can’t hold on to the fact that Declan didn’t suffer before he died anymore, but I sure as hell can hold onto that. And you. It’s just about the only thing holding me together at themoment.”
His whispered confession struck deep. He’d told me how much comfort he’d gotten from knowing his twin hadn’t suffered. It was humbling to know that I’d replaced that lifeline for him. I was still hurt, and odds were good that things between us were going to be tough while we rebuilt the trust that we lost. But I wanted to get that back. I wanted to trust him the same way I had before he’d reacted so badly to news that was devastating to him. Which meant I needed to move past my pain and give him a second chance—just like the one I’d been given because of his brother’sdeath.
“Okay. I forgive you for fucking up as long as you promise it won’t happenagain.”
He reared back and stared down at me, his hands on my arms. “Youforgiveme?”
I nodded. “It’s not like I have much of a choice. I’m not willing to let go of the only guy I’ve ever loved, and the only way this thing is going to work between us is if Iforgiveyou.”
“I’m not going anywhere, baby. If you need more time to get over my fuck-up. Take it. I’ll be here while you workthroughit.”
“I said I forgive you, not that I’m over it.” I wiggled out of his hold and fell back against the pillows. “But I’d rather spend that time sleeping than talking it out more. I feel like all I’ve done since you left was sleep and cry, and it’s never enough. All of this emotional shit has left meexhausted.”
“You looktired.”
“Thanks a lot.” I rolled my eyes. “I know I’m new to all this relationship stuff, but isn’t this the part where you’re supposed to say nice things to me to try to get back in my good graces? Telling me I look like crap isn’t going to helpwiththat.”
“You could look like death warmed over, and I’d still think you were beautiful.” He leaned over and swiped a piece of hair off my face. “Jesus Christ, baby. You’reburningup.”
“I’m fine.” I batted his hand away when he went to press his palm flat against my forehead. Or I would be if I could just go back tosleep.
“You’re not fine,” he insisted. “You need to get out from under those blankets and take a cold shower. Getting pissed at me must’ve gotten you all worked up orsomething.”
“I’m not hot. I’m cold,” I argued, yanking the covers higher when he tried to pull themoffme.
He stood up and turned towards the bedside table. “Where’s your bottle of water? Maybe a drink will help youcooloff.”
“I’m notthirsty.”
“C’mon, Faith. You’re always thirsty. That’s why you keep one of your insulated bottles in here; so you have something cold to drink whenever you want it.” His gaze dropped to the floor. “A drink like water.Notwine.”
“Yeah, about that,” I sighed. “I kinda sorta managed to go through most ofyourwine.”
“Most? Or all?” He pointed at the bottles on the floor. “Because the wine fridge was empty and so arethose.”
I rolled over and grabbed one of the full bottles off the floor from the other side of the bed. “I got tired of going all the way downstairs when I wanted one. Eventually, I just brought them upstairswithme.”
