Page 55 of The Lookback
“Helen.”
“Don’tHelenme,” I say. “I know that you and Abby and?—”
Mandy leans forward, startling me. “This isn’t about religion and it’s not about any other nonsense like that.”
I blink.
“I’mold,” she says. “And because I’m old, I can tell you that regret is a pretty constant companion. Do you want to take a guess what my biggest regret is?”
I shrug. “Something to do with Jed?”
She laughs. “No. Try again.”
“How about we skip the part where I take a half dozen more stabs in the dark and you just tell me?”
Her smirk is annoying. “You’re so smart, and you can’t guess my regret?”
“Not having a baby?” I roll my eyes. “Because if you tell me you had an abortion before they were easy or safe, and then you say it was the biggest regret of your life, so help me. . .”
Her hand slams down on the end table, harder than I’d expect from a lady her age. “You’re such a brat, Helen. No, I never did that, because I never even got pregnant. But you’re engaged to a man who adores you—ahotman—and he’s willing to put up with all your crap. You may not beold, but you ain’t young either, and you have a chance to bring a child into this world with that man.” She shakes her head. “If you throw that chance away, that’ll be your biggest regret until the day you die. Mark my words.”
“So what will you do to make sure I don’t screw up?” I ask. “Fake a pregnancy of your own, pretend to get an abortion, and then skip town until I see the error of my ways?”
Mandy’s frown deepens. “Why are the smartest women also the most universally irritating?” She sighs, collapsing back against the sofa. “Until your brilliant sister and her sister-in-law Amanda showed up in town, I was all alone.” She reaches down and scratches Jed’s head. “You think that’ll be fine. You’re happy alone. You have work, and you have enough money to keep yourself comfortable, and you haven’t got a clue. In fact, you’re probably even dumber than I was.”
“I’m not like you,” I say. “You had no one. I have Abby and her kids.”
She shrugs. “That’s true. It’s different for you. You’ll always be the crazy aunt. But why settle for that when you could be the mother?”
“I don’t want to be a mother,” I say. “Because if I was, I’d profoundly screw up my child. I’d wreck that kid, because I’m too selfish to be a proper mother.”
“As someone who profoundly screwed a few things up, I will just say that you never think you’re doing it when you are. The people who are the most afraid of screwing up are usually the ones who do the best job.”
I’m too upset to interrogate her. I’m too upset to do much of anything except throw one more glare over my shoulder as I finally march through the front door for a meeting I don’t even have. As if running away from the old broad wasn’t irritating enough already, I realize she still hasn’t told me anything about her visitor or all those tacky rugs and carved figures. Luckily, right as I reach my car, my phone dings, which distracts me from my spectacular retreat.
It’s not David, like I expect.
It’s not Abigail, which would also be normal.
It’s not even my amazing assistant, who’s almost always the first person to text me, thanks to the time difference between here and New York City.
No, it’s Oliver, my jerk of an ex.
I HAVE ANOTHER SHAREHOLDER FOR YOU. CAN YOU FLY TO BOSTON?
Itismy favorite time of year to visit the east coast, with the leaves changing and the crisp fall air. And this feels like a good time to break away from all the people here and their provincial sensibilities. Maybe once I’m surrounded by people who haven’t been brainwashed by the pro-life movement, I’ll be able to make a smart decision.
I call my pilot, waking him up, and ask whether we can get clearance to take off after the recent snowstorm. It was only three or four inches, and it’s been hours since it stopped snowing, so about twenty minutes later, he confirms that we can.
I’LL BE THERE BY TWO P.M.
Oliver texts back almost immediately. DINNER AT 6? CAPITAL GRILLE.
Capital Grille opened in Boston not long before he and I graduated from business school, and it was our favorite place to go back then. It’s not a strange place to suggest. In fact, it’s one of my favorite chain restaurants, but it’s weird thathe’ssuggesting it.
Up through now, there has been no reason to really have a conversation with David about Oliver. Yes, he’s my ex. Yes, he broke my heart almost twenty years ago, but I haven’t had much interaction with him since, and I have no plans to in the future.
Or, you know, Ihadno plans.
