Page 111 of The Surprise
We’re done moving the grain into bins before I finish explaining what’s going on.
“Your mom didn’t even tell me you were dating Beth.”
I sigh. “I mean, I wasn’t, really. We almost dated, but then we didn’t.”
Steve’s brow furrows. “Um. Okay.”
By the time we’ve moved the old hay, I think he’s caught up. “And you told her you wanted to keep the baby and raise it with her?” His eyebrows are practically climbing his forehead.
“I mean.” When he says it like that, it sounds a little odd. We haven’t really dated, but I told her we should have a baby? I want to swear under my breath. Did I mess things up? “Mom didn’t think that was very smart.”
Steve’s laugh is hearty, like him. “I suppose she wouldn’t.”
“Wait, do you think it’s smart?”
Steve drops a hand on my shoulder. “I think it’s admirable, Ethan. Very admirable, that you’re willing to do that, and that you care for her enough to be willing to sacrifice your freedom to care for a little person you’ve never met.”
I realize, in that moment, that I am ready to do just that. “I love my family,” I say. “I guess I knew I did, but I didn’t realize how much until my dad died. So when Beth said she was pregnant, I thought, well, the more the merrier.” An image comes to me, then. Beth, holding a tiny Beth. “The only thing better than Beth would be more Beths.”
“I can see that,” Steve says. “I mean, when you love someone, it’s natural to want more ties to them, more connections, and more things you can share.”
“I guess.”
“And you have a great family, so of course you’d like a bigger one.”
“Right?”
“And you know your mother would be the best grandma on earth, and that she’d care for you and that baby in any way you need. But, Ethan?”
I can hear it coming. “Your mom’s trying to keep you safe. She’s trying to look out for you.”
“I know that,” I say. “Believe me.”
“More important than what your mom thinks, what doesBethwant?”
“She wants—” I realize that I don’t really know. “I mean, when I told her we could raise the baby together, she kind of freaked out a little bit. She said it’s not my baby, and that I don’t need to make crazy offers like that.”
“And then what did you say?”
“I told her it wasn’t crazy and that I meant it. I told her that finding out she was pregnant didn’t change how I felt about her.”
“Is that true?” Steve looks surprised.
I think about what he’s asking, because it feels like something I should check on. But it’s still true. “Yes. I mean, would it be easier if it wasn’t true? Yes. Would it be simpler if it was my baby? For sure. But Beth was the same person before that she is now. We’ve all done things that we might not do over, but it doesn’t mean we aren’t the person we always were.”
“What do you like about her?”
“Her parents are awful,” I say. “And I think that’s made her strong. She’s light. She’s kind. She’s selfless. She’s hard working. She’s talented. She never asks for things or makes space for herself. She’s not greedy or demanding. She’s kind, and she makes people around her better, and when she is stuck in a bad situation, she tries to improve it. I was really proud of her when I found out that she refused to follow her parents to Seattle.”
“Proud?” Steve asks. “Or just happy she wasn’t leaving?”
“Both.” I shrug. “She wants to study photography. She applied to UCLA, but Izzy told me she didn’t get in. Instead of wallowing, she found a job where she gets paid to take photos. She’s saving up money to do what she wants, which is getting better at photography.”
“You like her for good reasons,” Steve says. “And you have a good heart. But you might have handled things the wrong way with Beth.”
“How?” This is what I wanted to get out of my mom. Could Steve really know? “I thought she’d be happy to hear I’d raise it with her. I thought she’d be happy that I wasn’t upset, that I still liked her, and that I’d stand by her side. I didn’t expect her to get more upset.”
“Right now, Beth’s standing at a fork in the road,” Steve says. “She’s got a big decision to make, and having you tell her you’ll help her down a particular path. . .well.”
